I know it's been awhile since I last blogged, but it's the same old shit everyday. Last thing I'd want to do is become boring or sound like a broken record.
The adventures of the monster and vi do continue though.
The monster and I have been doing somewhat OK with each other lately. I had an idea of buying a place instead of renting and she is behind it 100%. I'm thinking of buying a mobile home, no wheels, the house like ones.
Shocked me a bit, but then I realized, of course she's behind it she had mentioned me buying one for years when I was with Jello. He never wanted to cus it was dubbed "a mobile home".
She'll always be a cheerleader for anything she thought of that I follow.
Halloween or as I called it November-ween, was as ridiculous as ever.
She generally spends about $300 on candy and the cave is known as the best house for candy in the neighborhood.
Last year I came up with an idea on how to make the candy giving easier since she gives multiple things to each kid. This year, for instance, she gave each trick or treater a giant pixie stick, an airhead, a bag of cracker jacks, and a bag of chips.
I took each item, punched a hole in it, weaved some twine through, and created little bundles of happy.
All she has to do is picked up the twine and drop the bundle in a bag. Done.
She forgot to ask me this year until 4pm day of.
There I sat on the hallway floor surrounded by sugar and bags, creating bundles and watching her run around like a chicken with her head cut off. We had to eat by 4pm just in case any early birds rang the bell.
Sadistically I was hoping they would come early just to see the look of fear, shock, and adrenaline shoot through her all at once.
Finally, we got dressed and ready for the little bastards to start showing up.
My plan was to sit inside on the stairs and continue the bundles while she stood outside on the porch passing stuff out.
Then came the questions.
"where are your shoes?"
"where's your jacket?"
"your gonna wear that?"
"isn't that a little low cut?"
These questions were repeated about 5 times each within about a half hour. They only stopped cus I freaked and told her to leave me the hell alone. Nana told her the same thing. I love being backed up by the matriarch, it's such a power trip.
Only got about 100 kids when we're used to about 250. Monster was shocked and bummed.
Monday came.
I headed out to see an old friend for lunch and once I got home I didn't want to do anything but sit and read. Didn't think anything was wrong with this, but once the monster came upstairs to get ready for bed I knew my decision hadn't gone over well.
"Yea know it would have been nice to see you today. I'm not gonna see you all week"
*Groan*
Really? You can't go a day without seeing me? Not only did the woman see me earlier than normal on Saturday night, but she saw me all day (literally) on Sunday AND she has this Friday off. Plus, I was right here, in the house...I can't be alone and read in peace without having to stop, go downstairs, have a forced conversation so you can "see me", then come upstairs and continue what I was doin?
What the hell are they going to do when I move? What the hell did they do before I moved back?
Anyway, the monster went into ignore mode, but when I woke up this morning there was a nice note from her, like nothing was wrong at all. Crazypants.
The vi is just one hell of an annoying SOB.
I can't handle it. He's making me lose my mind.
I left early today to get an oil change. I was running late which was very clear since I was basically running down the stairs and throwing things into my car.
He, for some odd reason, had parked behind me. I asked him to move his car.
"No."
"Dad, I have to go get an oil change."
"I know."
He stands there and watches me pack up my car. I turn and stare back at him.
"So could you move your car?"
"Are you gonna move yours?"
"Really? I just said I have to get an oil change, of course I'm moving my car."
What the hell? Am I being punk'd?
1. the man needs a hearing aide
2. he needs an attitude adjustment
3. he needs to stop thinking he's funny
This sounds humorous to an outsider, but I know what he's really doing. He's done it my whole life.
He wants me to get riled up. He wants a fight. It's almost like he yearns for it; to have a reason to explode.
Thankfully I've learned to play the game and I now win every time.
Take that you village idiot.
