There's so much I want to talk about, but only half of it I'm willing to talk about in an open forum.
As most of you know my Nana died in April. It's been hard, really hard, for both my monster and I.
Nana had been dealing with breast cancer for years. Chemo for most of that time, but the chemo scared the cancer enough that it ran for the hills aka her brain.
The doctor made her stop chemo immediately and begin radiation. 10 treatments in 10 days. I brought her to the clinic everyday, watched her get more and more exhausted. Once the treatments ended her hair went with them. Now I gotta be honest and say that woman looked adorable bald!
She was always very serious about preening herself. She had a reputation to uphold. She was proud whenever she was compared to Lana Turner, or at times, Lady Gaga.
Once all of the glitz, flowers, and glitter went away she still shined. Her attitude never faltered. She gave her all until the end.
She passed peacefully, and painlessly, in her sleep while watching TV. My monster found her.
The next few days were incredibly hard and not because of the passing, but because of having to watch my monster crumble. She became a zombie. I had to step up and take care of everything, from the wake/funeral, to the headstone, to paperwork for the lawyer. I was so busy I never had time to grieve until it all settled down.
Late at night when I was alone the tears came and it was like that for awhile. They came full force and without mercy. They blended everything that had happened to me over the past 4 months. Tidal wave is the best word to describe the emotions.
Well, the tears stopped. I have many things going on in my life now. I'm moving into my Nana's apartment. I'm renovating the whole place. New floors, carpets, blinds for the window, oven, paint, etc., but I'm keeping some of her jewelry boxes and her hope chest so I can keep her close.
I'm excited to get my privacy back! I can finally have people over and not feel as if I'm a teenager. I can cook without being criticized or hovered over. I can have an adult beverage without the smirks or side glances!
FREEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
Now aside from moving and gaining my adult status back, I've also been changing my life in a different way as well. I go out all the time. This may not seem that big of a deal, but for me it is. Every Sunday is "Sunday Funday"...dancing and drinking with friends. Any opportunity to go and have fun somewhere, I take it!
I'm grabbing life by the balls.
Trips, concerts, clubs, parties, I'm there.
Regardless of who is in my life or not, I am living it for myself. I'm the only one that can make myself happy or unhappy. I come first!
So many people stay in situations that make them miserable for various reasons. I don't get it. Why live in misery? Regardless of the reasons, you're unhappy. Why live that way? Seriously, why?
We have 1 life. You either live it how you choose and be happy or live in misery just because you feel you have to.
Moving on...
The monster.
The monster and I have been really getting along. So much so that I opened up to her and told her everything about my life and continue to do so. I actually enjoy talking to her.
*Insert shocked gasps here*
I know, I know. Weird, right?!
Well, how do you think I feel??
This woman judged every move I made. Criticized me like it was her job. Now we can be just 2 people having a conversation.
It's nice.
The common bond between us? The vi.
Holy shit he just keeps getting worse! The stupid shit that comes out of his mouth is astounding.
I leave for work and he has to call the monster right away as I'm climbing into my truck to report to her what I'm wearing and if I took a lunch. She doesn't ask for this information, but he feels it necessary to inform her. I went out this past Sunday and wore a sundress which had spaghetti straps and a v neckline. For the next hour following my departure, monster had to listen to his "opinions" on my dress. How can I dance in it (it's long), it's too low cut, etc. Over and over again.
The next day, I get to listen to his insane questions about how did I dance in my dress? Did I lift it up (this is followed by his hands pretending to lift a skirt ABOVE his chest).
Me: "Are you fucking serious right now?"
VI: "What? I just hope you don't lift it."
Me: "Are you seriously asking if I lift my skirt and show my shit when I dance? Are you fucking nuts?"
VI: "Well I don't know."
I almost punched him in the face.
This is the kind of shit that comes out of his mouth. Once the monster found out she lost her mind. She is at her wits end with his comments. He makes no sense and it's getting worse. We think it's because he's stuck in the house day in and day out. Doing NOTHING.
I can't even sit at the dinner table with him or I get really testy. I am in a constant state of eye-rolling.
July 29th can't get here fast enough.
After that....house warming party planning! Stay tuned :)
