Bipolar birthday :(:

Here we go again.  

I don't know what I'm doing wrong here.  I'm at a loss.

Saturday night I come home from work and the monster was getting ready to go upstairs.  I was searching for my house keys while she was staring at me.  Finally she came to the door and unlocked it...

"Hi." she said pretty quickly.

She said she was headed upstairs since she was done with everything down here.  I followed her up and we chatted for a bit, but it was warm and she was going to be taking a bath so I went in my room.

I waited until about 12:45a and then I went to check and make sure she didn't fall asleep in the tub.  Well, she was already in bed.

This is weird since she always comes into my room to say good night.

I go and wake her up asking why she didn't come into my room, her reason was that she was waiting for me to come out.  She figured I didn't want to be bothered since I went so quickly into my room and shut the door.  Ummm, it was about 85-90 degrees upstairs, the last place I wanted to be was in a sauna like bathroom with a naked monster in the tub.

Seriously??

I said "You always come into my room and it was hot."

She just repeated herself so I let it be, kissed her good night and left.

Sunday.

I had stayed up late so I slept late.  I woke up at noon, got dressed, headed downstairs, and said hello to both the vi and monster.  It felt awkward so I left and headed to the spa.

I got back to the house and they were on the porch so I went out and sat with them for a bit, then came upstairs to change and get my laundry started.  Went down, put in laundry, got a drink, ask when dinner would ready, then went back up to strip my bed and chill for a bit.  After my first load was done and folded with the second in the washer...dinner was done.  

I helped carved the roast, got drinks, etc.  Sat, had dinner, helped clean a bit and then went upstairs.

Once I got up here I got hit with the start of a migraine so I fell asleep for about an hour or so.  Vi and the monster were watching TV.  I woke up changed over my stuff to the dryer...came back up and napped a little more.

I woke up to hearing my mother out on the porch "wooooing" to this kid in the neighborhood she's befriended.  He's a sweet kid, 12 yrs old, with autism.  He loves my parents.

I went downstairs, put in my last load of laundry, then went out on the porch.

I sat out there for about an hour or so.

After I finished my laundry and came upstairs since she was gonna get her bath and the vi was going to bed.

The monster had been acting weird all day, but had yet to say anything to me, so I have let it alone.

My mistake came when she went down to my Nana's apartment.

I went down to make a snack and monster was still in the kitchen.  I place my bottle of Kahlua on the table and she went downstairs.

I snuck down the first flight of stairs and could hear them perfectly.  Apparently I was no where to be found today.  The monster told her that I had stayed in my room all day and left her alone.  Just sat in my chair and never came down.  Then she goes on to tell her that she snuck a peak at my father's bday card to her.  She is pissed since it reads "To someone special."  She is thinking of ripping it up, but may just mention her birthday card, as if he hasn't purchased one yet, and how to make sure it says "To my loving wife."

I had also asked monster what she wanted for dinner Monday night to celebrate her birthday since I will be working on Tuesday.  All she could say was "I don't know, haven't thought of it, but I'll let you know."

So after hearing this little conversation I now feel it's necessary to kiss her ass tomorrow.  I am going to go out get a card (was going to anyway), buy a cake at the bakery (vi usually does, but so far nothing), and then figure out what to make her for dinner.  I understand that it's her birthday and these things should be done anyway, but wtf is her husband doing????

Nothing!

I'm going to be doing it all.  I'm sorry, but my belief is that if it's your husband/wife's birthday you take care of everything...a great dinner whether homemade or restaurant, you get or make a cake, you get a present/card, etc....

But I have to do all of this because he won't...in fact he'll say to me "What did you get for your mother"

"You should make dinner for her tonight."

"Did you make a cake? Are you gonna get her one?"

Are you kidding me?

Fine.  I'll do it.  I have to kiss her ass anyway before she fucking explodes for no good god damn reason again.

How much you wanna bet she'll still think I suck come Monday night?

Monsters and Migraines...

If you've never had a migraine it's hard to understand what someone is going through.  The pain can range from sharp throbbing to the possibility you may witness your eye popping out of your head and running down the street to find a safe place to hide, extreme light sensitivity, emotional breaks (mostly crying), exhaustion, and sometimes neediness (for me this comes in the form of needing to be held).  It's different for everyone, but the pain itself is usually the same; relentless.
I have been blessed with chronic migraines...you're jealous, I know, but not everyone can handle this special kind of awesomeness.  I've had MRI's, CAT Scans, been on prescription meds, etc.  Nothing shows up and nothing works except good old Excedrin Migraine and quiet.
It's torture.  Living with the monster and vi doesn't make it any easier.

When I lived on my own with jello I got them frequently and they were horrible.  I was at least able to stay home, rest, hide under the covers, and at night jello would keep the lights off and only use candles until I was able to handle anything brighter.
Living in the cave is another story.  I'm on edge all the time, I "relax" at work, god forbid I'm running late getting ready for work because then vi comes upstairs and bangs the door trying to figure out if I've died.
The monster is clueless.  She's never had a migraine before and never really pays attention when I try to explain them to her.  I've called her out on this many times before and she has admitted that she doesn't listen to me most of the time.  Acceptance is the first step, right?
I call her today to explain that I'm in pain.  I may stay home if it doesn't get better.  I have only stayed home once since moving here in November because I can't handle being here when I'm sick.  They don't leave me alone.  She's checks on me every hour, offers me food even after I've told her I can't stomach it right now, makes comments asking why am I in the dark, comes over and rubs my head....

ATTENTION! Unless you are requested to do so, when someone has a migraine you DO NOT touch their head!!  That's like sticking a finger in an open wound!  You only do this if you want to lose an appendage.

Sometimes you need the comfort, but most times you just want to be in the dark alone.  She doesn't get it.  It never sticks no matter how many times I tell her.
So, I force myself to go to work.  I load up on Excedrin Migraine, caffeine, a hope, and a prayer.  Most days it works even though I get the shakes and it becomes a game trying to type, but hell the pain is gone.  Other days, I'm not so lucky and I try to make it to 9:30p-10p when I know she went to bed and I leave work early.
Those of you who get migraines...I'm sorry.
Those of you who don't...you're lucky.