Monday, June 20, 2011

Midnight rides with a side of selective memory for the win...

Ever since my truck has been in the shop I have been driving this adorable clown car of a rental.  The Nissan Cube.  I love it!  It always looks like it's smiling at you.
My friend Candy has been intrigued by the Cube for a little while now so I offered to let her test drive it in the parking lot at work.  She gladly excepted and jumped in.
After she was done she got out, we said our goodbye's and home we each went.
When I got home I parked and started gathering my things in the passenger seat.  I noticed an extra cell phone and of course, me being me, the first thought in my head was that my Blackberry had given birth, but Candy had left her phone in my car accidentally.
I went upstairs to my room knowing I'd get her on Facebook.  We decided we would meet halfway between our places that night so she could get it back and this is where the fun began.
The monster begged, almost pleaded to go with me on the ride.  I explained to her that I was taking a 10 min. drive up the street and I'd be right back.  Nothing special.  The answer I got back...
"What daughter says no to her mother when she wants to go for a ride with her?"
My answer...
"This one.  I'll be back!"

Before I left, the monster demanded that I take a picture of her so Candy knew she wanted to say hello, but at the same time wanted Candy to know she was upset she couldn't meet her.
Yes folks.  This is the monster in all her nightly, before bed glory.  Just like the Mona Lisa.  A work of crazy ass art.
If I ever look like this in my 60's...someone please put me out of my misery.
To be honest, this is the exact look both she and my Nana were photographed giving at my wedding, during the ceremony.  Lovely.

Now the VI.
Today that old bastard almost made me scream.  Nothing out of the norm of course.
Now he has moved my rental numerous times.  It's a keyless entry and push button ignition.  No keys at all are needed for this car.  Fucking awesome!
Well, today, after moving my car 4 times, he apparently forgot how to get in it.  I hear him stomp upstairs which is then followed my a banging on my door.  When I say banging, I mean the door is in jeopardy of falling to the floor.  I say "What?!" about 3 times, the last one loud and filled with attitude.
He comes in finally and the first words out of his mouth are...
"Hey, don't give me attitude."
Really?  I think anyone would give attitude after answering someone 2 other times, yet the person never heard them.  Deaf son of a bitch needs to get a hearing aide.  He's in denial.
OK, I understand.  Getting old is tough, but damn it, just go with it!
He then starts asking for my keys.  I explained that there are no keys for the car.

"I can't get in to the car.  I need the keys."
"Dad, there are no keys, it's a keyless vehicle."
"Well I can't get in."
"Did you hit the button on the door?"
"What button?"
"The black button on the handle."
"Yeah and it didn't work.  I've moved it 4 times already.  I need the keys."
"Dad.  It's a keyless car.  If you've moved it already, how did you get in the car in the first place?"

He leaves and goes downstairs.  Annoyed and amused to see this in action I climbed on my bed and looked out the window to watch.
He goes to the car and starts trying to open the door.  He looks up, knowing I'm watching, looks at the car door, does something, tries the handle again, then gives up.
I run downstairs with the little fob to manually unlock it for him.  He goes back downstairs, gets in the car, and then....nothing.
I hear him walk back up the stairs again.

"It won't start."
"What do you mean it won't start?"
"It's not starting.  I've moved it 4 times already, but for some reason it won't start."
"Did you have your foot on the break while you hit the button?"
"Yeah."
"You're sure?"
"Yes."

UGH! I go downstairs in my jammies, get in my car, and start that bitch right up!
I move it behind his car.
The whole time I'm doing this he is watching me with this blank expression.  I felt kinda like a super hero.
I get out of the car walk to the stairs and while I passed him I repeated myself.

"You had your foot on the break while you hit the start button?"
"Yea...I don't know why it didn't start."
"Hmmm, yea, sure you don't."

I think he is OK for a few hours when he wakes up and then everything slowly starts to roll downhill.  The later the day gets the less memory he has....I'm sure most is selective.

They both went to bed before 8pm tonight.  It is so peaceful.
This weekend has made me feel content, happy, almost like things are going in the right direction finally.  I'm hoping it stays this way.
Actually that's a lie.  I'm hoping it gets even better, but I'm sure many folks will understand when I say I'm still hesitant.

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