The last few days have been filled with laughter, anger, aggravation, tears, and numbness.
Yea it sounds dramatic, but when one of those days is driven by PMS, everything that day is dramatic.
Sunday was a pretty great day over all. I woke up early to go shopping with the monster. We first went out to Best Buy where I got my first Christmas present; a new car stereo that will be installed on the 31st. Happy New Year to me! Been without a radio since about August...singing to myself has gotten pretty old and I'm sure it has made more than a few fellow drivers think I'm nuts.
We then went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond where I got my next present of a beautiful king bed set, decorative pillows and all!
Off to the mall! Coach, where I got my favorite bag a Christmas present of its own! A new smaller wallet! Ridiculous, maybe, but when the man you love gives you something you never expected, you get silly and it becomes your prized possession.
Then we went to Sephora, Pandora (monster wants the vi to get her a bracelet), and then Macy's.
Kmart in Billerica for the final stop and home we went.
Monster and I actually got along, talked, laughed. She was a normal mom. I enjoyed being out with her, first time in a long time.
Got home, she cooked dinner, I wrapped some gifts, and took a nap.
Oh and the conversation we had....mobile homes. She's back to liking the idea. I'm just wondering when she's gonna hate it again.
Monday. Horrible. Most of it was me, but ALOT of it was them. I didn't want to be bothered as soon as I woke up. I had a migraine and the dreaded PMS.
I tried to stay away from the vi, but had no help from the monster. She did her usual email that just read "call me" I called and she started freaking out about how my dad messes everything up, she's sick of it, she needs to take days off in order to get anything done the right way, etc, etc....
At one point she even called me to say she wanted me to go downstairs and tell my father that I didn't want to get involved, but if the TV wasn't correct (he switched out the old for a new and the color was off) that she was gonna rip it out of the wall and throw it out.
WTF...does that not put me right in the middle of it?? Why on gods green earth would I want to voluntarily go downstairs and involuntarily start a fight with him?
He was already pacing downstairs. He then started coming up and down the stairs bitching to me about her...why do I have to be involved in their arguments? Can these people not argue correctly? Do they need a middle man? Sweet Christ...I don't want that job!
Monster comes home and all hell broke loose. They start yelling at each other downstairs, monster basically calling the vi an idiot and so on.
Now the monster doesn't care if my dad snaps. Which he does occasionally, but this scares the shit out of me. He gets nasty and physical. So I wait and worry.
They come upstairs and she continues to complain, now about the new shower head the plumber had put on earlier.
He yells back, takes off the new shower head and puts back the old. Goes downstairs and waits in the kitchen.
I'm just sitting in my room not saying a word.
When she's done getting changed I follow her to the kitchen and set the table. She starts making comments about how bad the TV is which prompts the vi to call Comcast on the spot.
The operator tells him she can assist with replacing the old TV right over the phone. Monster looks at me and says "Help your father."
Help him do what? He's on the phone with help.
Now between his deafness and his bad eyesight this call quickly turned into a shit show...he's complaining, she's complaining and I'm just getting pissy-er.
Finally I stand up, walk over to my dad and take the phone. I quickly do what the operator told me to and set the remote back to the old TV.
During this phone call both the monster and vi are arguing behind me to which the vi screams out "Would you shut the fuck up!"
Nice. Comcast lady thankfully ignored that and so didn't I. White trash in the middle of beautiful middle class Tewksbury.
Dinner was kinda quiet with the vi only making a few comments and then going out for a cigarette while she cleaned up.
He went to watch TV and then she decided to go in and sit with him so they "could cuddle like newlyweds."
I'm not shitting you. This woman can change emotions on a dime.
I take over the kitchen and make gifts for my co-workers. She comes in about 2 hours later, I'm tired, my feet hurt, I'm done and ready to go upstairs. She starts commenting on my gifts and how she loves what I did, but maybe I should do this or that differently...why is this jar like this...what about doing that instead...
Holy shit! I just gave quick answers of No.
Finally I said I was going upstairs and she gave a sad sigh and answer of "well OK I guess"...really? I've been in this kitchen since 5pm and you come in at 8:30p when I'm ready to leave and get upset about it....
What...the...fuck...ever. I ignored her and went upstairs.
"Your parents love you..." she sings
VI sticks his head over her shoulder
"Hey Melis...I want you to grow a beard. Grow a beard..." he really thinks he's funny.
"So she can be a caveman." she giggles.
"Hey Melis...I'm gonna buy you a beard, a big scraggly one, so you can wear it in your cave. (asking the monster) She saying anything? She doesn't give a shit."
Now during all of this I'm not saying shit. I'm just staring with a blank expression at the both of them.
I'm so fucking sick of this crap. I have to deal with this bullshit on a daily basis and then pretend it's funny? Hell no!
Come January 1st I'm giving myself 4 months to get the fuck out of here!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Ho, Ho, Ho...where did I go?
For the last 3 years the holidays have been pretty tough for me.
'09 I realized I was unhappy in my marriage, but still had to play the part with family
'10 I was newly divorced, living back with my parents, and the man I want to be with is not with me.
This year, still with the parents, stressing about finding a place, and still not with my panda.
It seems to get harder with each passing year.
Now to add to my holiday blues, the monster is playing her roller coaster of approval game again.
I had a plan to move out of the cave at the beginning of the year, that didn't go as planned.
I then thought it would be a good idea to buy a place. I was looking at mobile homes, the stationary ones that look like homes. I mentioned how this was highly viewed by the monster in my last blog.
Well, that has changed for some reason.
Monsters new view on the mobile home is that it is too much work for me. I don't live with a man so who will do the yard work or shovel/snowplow the drive way for me? Yea, really, she said that. No joke.
I'd then have to purchase a lawnmower and a snow blower which would be too costly for me.
The VI said that mobile homes built before 1980 or so were built with Formaldehyde, so we would have to gut the whole place and have it redone. I take this with a grain of salt since we all know how smart the VI is.
I asked about a condo, apparently I don't have enough money.
Now they say I should look at a studio apartment. Monster does not want me living with a room mate at any cost.
She believes it won't work, I'll get screwed. She's always dreamed/wanted me to live on my own. I'll apparently love it.
I'm not a live alone kind of girl. I have an overactive imagination! I can turn any noise into a flesh eating monster coming to get me cus I'm fat and tasty!
If I do decide to go against her "wishes" it's gonna be World War 3 in this house for a long time and if anything were to go wrong I'd never live it down. Even in death they'd find a way to say "I told ya so!"
So now I'm stuck. I don't want a studio apartment. I have enough furniture to fill a house and I hate the thought of having people over to hang out in my bedroom.
I just want space, freedom, relief. I want to be happy with where I live, not settle cus I want to get out so badly I can taste it.
I'm scratching at the walls here! Crying nightly has become a ritual before bed. Can I say this to the monster? Of course not, she's the poster child for the perfect parent, didn't you know?
People tell me constantly, it's your life, you can't let her tell you what to do, etc, etc.
It's easier said then done. The shit I have had to deal with by going against her or the constant comments of how I "never" listen to them and I always make the wrong decisions. That wears on a person after awhile and you just want to shut them up.
I don't want a studio and I'm gonna do my damnedest not to end up in one, but I may have to suck it up.
I'd prefer a big place with a room mate then the quiet, boring, loneliness, of living alone.
All in all it just adds up to I'm tired of being sad, I'm tired of being lonely, I'm tired of waiting for good things to happen to me, I want things to start changing in my favor. I want my freedom, I want my space, I want my sanity, I want my panda, I want myself back!
'09 I realized I was unhappy in my marriage, but still had to play the part with family
'10 I was newly divorced, living back with my parents, and the man I want to be with is not with me.
This year, still with the parents, stressing about finding a place, and still not with my panda.
It seems to get harder with each passing year.
Now to add to my holiday blues, the monster is playing her roller coaster of approval game again.
I had a plan to move out of the cave at the beginning of the year, that didn't go as planned.
I then thought it would be a good idea to buy a place. I was looking at mobile homes, the stationary ones that look like homes. I mentioned how this was highly viewed by the monster in my last blog.
Well, that has changed for some reason.
Monsters new view on the mobile home is that it is too much work for me. I don't live with a man so who will do the yard work or shovel/snowplow the drive way for me? Yea, really, she said that. No joke.
I'd then have to purchase a lawnmower and a snow blower which would be too costly for me.
The VI said that mobile homes built before 1980 or so were built with Formaldehyde, so we would have to gut the whole place and have it redone. I take this with a grain of salt since we all know how smart the VI is.
I asked about a condo, apparently I don't have enough money.
Now they say I should look at a studio apartment. Monster does not want me living with a room mate at any cost.
She believes it won't work, I'll get screwed. She's always dreamed/wanted me to live on my own. I'll apparently love it.
I'm not a live alone kind of girl. I have an overactive imagination! I can turn any noise into a flesh eating monster coming to get me cus I'm fat and tasty!
If I do decide to go against her "wishes" it's gonna be World War 3 in this house for a long time and if anything were to go wrong I'd never live it down. Even in death they'd find a way to say "I told ya so!"
So now I'm stuck. I don't want a studio apartment. I have enough furniture to fill a house and I hate the thought of having people over to hang out in my bedroom.
I just want space, freedom, relief. I want to be happy with where I live, not settle cus I want to get out so badly I can taste it.
I'm scratching at the walls here! Crying nightly has become a ritual before bed. Can I say this to the monster? Of course not, she's the poster child for the perfect parent, didn't you know?
People tell me constantly, it's your life, you can't let her tell you what to do, etc, etc.
It's easier said then done. The shit I have had to deal with by going against her or the constant comments of how I "never" listen to them and I always make the wrong decisions. That wears on a person after awhile and you just want to shut them up.
I don't want a studio and I'm gonna do my damnedest not to end up in one, but I may have to suck it up.
I'd prefer a big place with a room mate then the quiet, boring, loneliness, of living alone.
All in all it just adds up to I'm tired of being sad, I'm tired of being lonely, I'm tired of waiting for good things to happen to me, I want things to start changing in my favor. I want my freedom, I want my space, I want my sanity, I want my panda, I want myself back!
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