So the move is finished.
I am now in my own space.
OK, not completely, but enough. I am in my Nana's old apartment aka the in-law, but it's far enough away where I have the independence, yet close enough where I can watch my monster.
Yes, watch my monster.
Since my Nana's death she's been really lonely and trying to find her own routine. They went out every Saturday, my monster was downstairs watching TV with her almost every night, etc. She still has been having moments where she will sit in the recliner Nana passed on and cry...hence the "watching".
She definitely needs to realize that I am NOT my Nana, but I'm letting it slide for now or at least until October 1.
Why October 1, you ask?
Well, I am shipping their asses off to VEGAS and having a party the night they leave.
After that, it's leave me the fuck alone I'm your damn tenant not your child!
Oh I can't wait...a shiver of happy anticipation just ran through my body.
Now, the odd thing about this is that my monster is thrilled about this party. She wants me to string lights around the patio, have tables and chairs set up, etc.
Well shit, I'm gonna go one step further and make a fire pit in the yard! After they leave of course and then I can blame it on the neighborhood kids when they get home. She wants me to go balls out for this....be careful what you wish for!
On a more serious note, for those of you that are VI fans. He just got a scary medical update. He has kidney cancer. Now, it is a very small spot that can be removed via operation. This operation is going to occur soon. He caught it early so that's something positive.
He's very scared since all his family have died of cancer (except his dad).
I don't see him very much since I moved so stories are few and far between. I do have one that happened last week.
Now, we are in September. I personally believe that once kids start going back to school and the nights become fairly cold, all lawn mowing must cease! He clearly does not follow this belief.
He knows I work late and then once home I can't sleep until the wee hours of the morning so he holds off running the mower until at least 12pm.
I don't remember who the genius was behind allowing him to buy and use a ride on mower, but they should be shot.
Every time 5 minutes this thing makes a popping noise. He drives it like he's racing in god damned Nascar!
Spins it in circles in the backyard. Stalls it constantly then stays seated on it and waits for our neighbor Andy to notice so he can come over and fix it.
I was walking out my backdoor one afternoon on my way to work and he comes barrel-assing toward me only for the mower to POP and stall. He stays seated and stares at me while I walk toward him to kiss him goodbye.
I stop mid walk after noticing the pretty white clouds of smoke pouring out from under the hood.
"Umm...dad?" As I point toward the engine.
"Yea I know it's smoking right?"
"Yea, don't-cha think you should get off of it?"
"No, it's fine. Just over heated."
I make my way slowly to him, kiss him on the forehead then walk away as he lifts the hood up and allows the smoke to billow around him.
"OK, dad love you...please don't blow up!"
I get in my truck, back out of my drive way...then look back as he races across my driveway on to the front lawn.
Are you shitting me?
OH! He finally got hearing aids! Yes, plural. Friggen guy was deaf in both ears.
First day with them and he was amazed by the noises he had never heard before, like my truck running.
In other news....
My ex-husband got remarried. Yep...less than 2 years after our divorce and he's hitched again!
It stings...truthfully, but ya know what?
I'm so glad he's happy. She looks like she is a good person and they are happy together. That's all I ever wanted for him.
We had a lot of ups and downs...mistakes made on both sides, but I wish him all the luck in the world...and I hope they are together for the long haul.
Me? Well, I'm a work in progress...
That's all I gotta say about that.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Times they are a changin
There's so much I want to talk about, but only half of it I'm willing to talk about in an open forum.
As most of you know my Nana died in April. It's been hard, really hard, for both my monster and I.
Nana had been dealing with breast cancer for years. Chemo for most of that time, but the chemo scared the cancer enough that it ran for the hills aka her brain.
The doctor made her stop chemo immediately and begin radiation. 10 treatments in 10 days. I brought her to the clinic everyday, watched her get more and more exhausted. Once the treatments ended her hair went with them. Now I gotta be honest and say that woman looked adorable bald!
She was always very serious about preening herself. She had a reputation to uphold. She was proud whenever she was compared to Lana Turner, or at times, Lady Gaga.
Once all of the glitz, flowers, and glitter went away she still shined. Her attitude never faltered. She gave her all until the end.
She passed peacefully, and painlessly, in her sleep while watching TV. My monster found her.
The next few days were incredibly hard and not because of the passing, but because of having to watch my monster crumble. She became a zombie. I had to step up and take care of everything, from the wake/funeral, to the headstone, to paperwork for the lawyer. I was so busy I never had time to grieve until it all settled down.
Late at night when I was alone the tears came and it was like that for awhile. They came full force and without mercy. They blended everything that had happened to me over the past 4 months. Tidal wave is the best word to describe the emotions.
Well, the tears stopped. I have many things going on in my life now. I'm moving into my Nana's apartment. I'm renovating the whole place. New floors, carpets, blinds for the window, oven, paint, etc., but I'm keeping some of her jewelry boxes and her hope chest so I can keep her close.
I'm excited to get my privacy back! I can finally have people over and not feel as if I'm a teenager. I can cook without being criticized or hovered over. I can have an adult beverage without the smirks or side glances!
FREEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
Now aside from moving and gaining my adult status back, I've also been changing my life in a different way as well. I go out all the time. This may not seem that big of a deal, but for me it is. Every Sunday is "Sunday Funday"...dancing and drinking with friends. Any opportunity to go and have fun somewhere, I take it!
I'm grabbing life by the balls.
Trips, concerts, clubs, parties, I'm there.
Regardless of who is in my life or not, I am living it for myself. I'm the only one that can make myself happy or unhappy. I come first!
So many people stay in situations that make them miserable for various reasons. I don't get it. Why live in misery? Regardless of the reasons, you're unhappy. Why live that way? Seriously, why?
We have 1 life. You either live it how you choose and be happy or live in misery just because you feel you have to.
Moving on...
The monster.
The monster and I have been really getting along. So much so that I opened up to her and told her everything about my life and continue to do so. I actually enjoy talking to her.
*Insert shocked gasps here*
I know, I know. Weird, right?!
Well, how do you think I feel??
This woman judged every move I made. Criticized me like it was her job. Now we can be just 2 people having a conversation.
It's nice.
The common bond between us? The vi.
Holy shit he just keeps getting worse! The stupid shit that comes out of his mouth is astounding.
I leave for work and he has to call the monster right away as I'm climbing into my truck to report to her what I'm wearing and if I took a lunch. She doesn't ask for this information, but he feels it necessary to inform her. I went out this past Sunday and wore a sundress which had spaghetti straps and a v neckline. For the next hour following my departure, monster had to listen to his "opinions" on my dress. How can I dance in it (it's long), it's too low cut, etc. Over and over again.
The next day, I get to listen to his insane questions about how did I dance in my dress? Did I lift it up (this is followed by his hands pretending to lift a skirt ABOVE his chest).
Me: "Are you fucking serious right now?"
VI: "What? I just hope you don't lift it."
Me: "Are you seriously asking if I lift my skirt and show my shit when I dance? Are you fucking nuts?"
VI: "Well I don't know."
I almost punched him in the face.
This is the kind of shit that comes out of his mouth. Once the monster found out she lost her mind. She is at her wits end with his comments. He makes no sense and it's getting worse. We think it's because he's stuck in the house day in and day out. Doing NOTHING.
I can't even sit at the dinner table with him or I get really testy. I am in a constant state of eye-rolling.
July 29th can't get here fast enough.
After that....house warming party planning! Stay tuned :)
As most of you know my Nana died in April. It's been hard, really hard, for both my monster and I.
Nana had been dealing with breast cancer for years. Chemo for most of that time, but the chemo scared the cancer enough that it ran for the hills aka her brain.
The doctor made her stop chemo immediately and begin radiation. 10 treatments in 10 days. I brought her to the clinic everyday, watched her get more and more exhausted. Once the treatments ended her hair went with them. Now I gotta be honest and say that woman looked adorable bald!
She was always very serious about preening herself. She had a reputation to uphold. She was proud whenever she was compared to Lana Turner, or at times, Lady Gaga.
Once all of the glitz, flowers, and glitter went away she still shined. Her attitude never faltered. She gave her all until the end.
She passed peacefully, and painlessly, in her sleep while watching TV. My monster found her.
The next few days were incredibly hard and not because of the passing, but because of having to watch my monster crumble. She became a zombie. I had to step up and take care of everything, from the wake/funeral, to the headstone, to paperwork for the lawyer. I was so busy I never had time to grieve until it all settled down.
Late at night when I was alone the tears came and it was like that for awhile. They came full force and without mercy. They blended everything that had happened to me over the past 4 months. Tidal wave is the best word to describe the emotions.
Well, the tears stopped. I have many things going on in my life now. I'm moving into my Nana's apartment. I'm renovating the whole place. New floors, carpets, blinds for the window, oven, paint, etc., but I'm keeping some of her jewelry boxes and her hope chest so I can keep her close.
I'm excited to get my privacy back! I can finally have people over and not feel as if I'm a teenager. I can cook without being criticized or hovered over. I can have an adult beverage without the smirks or side glances!
FREEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
Now aside from moving and gaining my adult status back, I've also been changing my life in a different way as well. I go out all the time. This may not seem that big of a deal, but for me it is. Every Sunday is "Sunday Funday"...dancing and drinking with friends. Any opportunity to go and have fun somewhere, I take it!
I'm grabbing life by the balls.
Trips, concerts, clubs, parties, I'm there.
Regardless of who is in my life or not, I am living it for myself. I'm the only one that can make myself happy or unhappy. I come first!
So many people stay in situations that make them miserable for various reasons. I don't get it. Why live in misery? Regardless of the reasons, you're unhappy. Why live that way? Seriously, why?
We have 1 life. You either live it how you choose and be happy or live in misery just because you feel you have to.
Moving on...
The monster.
The monster and I have been really getting along. So much so that I opened up to her and told her everything about my life and continue to do so. I actually enjoy talking to her.
*Insert shocked gasps here*
I know, I know. Weird, right?!
Well, how do you think I feel??
This woman judged every move I made. Criticized me like it was her job. Now we can be just 2 people having a conversation.
It's nice.
The common bond between us? The vi.
Holy shit he just keeps getting worse! The stupid shit that comes out of his mouth is astounding.
I leave for work and he has to call the monster right away as I'm climbing into my truck to report to her what I'm wearing and if I took a lunch. She doesn't ask for this information, but he feels it necessary to inform her. I went out this past Sunday and wore a sundress which had spaghetti straps and a v neckline. For the next hour following my departure, monster had to listen to his "opinions" on my dress. How can I dance in it (it's long), it's too low cut, etc. Over and over again.
The next day, I get to listen to his insane questions about how did I dance in my dress? Did I lift it up (this is followed by his hands pretending to lift a skirt ABOVE his chest).
Me: "Are you fucking serious right now?"
VI: "What? I just hope you don't lift it."
Me: "Are you seriously asking if I lift my skirt and show my shit when I dance? Are you fucking nuts?"
VI: "Well I don't know."
I almost punched him in the face.
This is the kind of shit that comes out of his mouth. Once the monster found out she lost her mind. She is at her wits end with his comments. He makes no sense and it's getting worse. We think it's because he's stuck in the house day in and day out. Doing NOTHING.
I can't even sit at the dinner table with him or I get really testy. I am in a constant state of eye-rolling.
July 29th can't get here fast enough.
After that....house warming party planning! Stay tuned :)
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Memoirs of a sick chick
I know I've been posting little comments on Facebook about the monster and vi, but let me tell you that's just the half of it.
Now the monster had 11 days off, great for her, hell for me.
She seemed to believe that if she had vacation I did too. Every night and every morning that woman was in my room. Constantly needing to talk or watch TV with me, asking to go to the movies, etc.
I woke up one morning and she was outside my room, waiting to hear movement. I shit you not, she even admitted to having her ear to my door.
They planned on staying a night at the MGM Grand in Connecticut Wednesday night and I planned on enjoying the peace and quiet. That was not to happen. I got sick, really sick. I won't go into details since I'm sure it will gross you out, but it wasn't pretty. I even had to wake her up at one point at 5:30am.
Before they left I had been in and out of the bathroom to which she was very aware and with my dehydration I couldn't really move from my bed. She got ready and they left, but before they did monster went downstairs to see Nana and explain my situation. She told her that I was to get the mail, bring out the trash, and pick up after myself (I was using the barrel alot since I couldn't get to the toilet). My Nana looked at her and said "Really? You actually think she's going to be able to get up and go outside let alone clean up her trash? She's sick!"
"Oh you don't think she will have the energy? Well I would think later she would."
Even my Nana is starting to realize there is something wrong with the monster. If you see someone who is winded just by standing up, constantly using the bathroom and barrel, mostly at the same time, and can do nothing but sleep, would you expect them to magically gain energy to take out the trash and get the mail?
Are you fucking for real?!
That night was horrible. I almost had my Nana take me to the hospital and I hate hospitals. It was bad. I almost fell down the stairs and then on the way back up almost passed out yet again. I had to get some Gatorade...something to stop the dehydration.
I informed my Nana later that night about what the monster does, such as staying in my room when I get home from work until 2am or that she'll just sit in here and watch TV every single night. Also, that she is jealous that I talk to Nana more than her.
The reaction from her was priceless! There were a couple "What is wrong with her?" "You've got to be kidding!" "Now she knows better than that."
I got better as the days went, thankfully I was fine by Saturday so I could spend the night with my panda. It had been way to long and nothing was going to stop me!
I came home Sunday, slept, did some chores, but felt odd.
I decided to go to bed early on Sunday and make up for the lack of sleep the night before. Monday, sucked.
Sick. Again.
This time a head cold. The entire side of my head is blocked. I'm not fully complaining cus it could certainly be worse with a sore throat or migraine.
I take some Dayquil and Afrin. Worked great so I decided to stick with it.
Monster again decides it would be a great idea to sit in my room and watch TV when I'm clearly a mess and just want to sit and stare.
Tuesday. I call out, still sick. This sucks. Not only do I hate being sick, but I hate having to stay home. It's so stressful.
I sleep a few hours and then she comes home. She comes in my room and asks how I feel.
I say fine and she adds how horrible I sound.
"Do you want something to eat?"
"What are you making?"
"Pork chops, but that may be too much. Do you want a cheese omelet?"
"Yea, that sounds good. With toast please."
"Oh I don't know. You sure? You've had some eggs this week I worry about cholesterol."
"My cholesterol isn't going to sky rocket cus I've had them 3 times in a week!"
"Oh OK, I guess so. Just cheese?"
"Yea, just cheese or over easy whatever is easier."
Is it me or did that conversation really make no sense? She was the one who said cheese omelet first right? She offered the eggs first?
Yea, OK that's what I thought.
She brings my eggs up to me, hands them to me, and says "Now I came home after working all day and made you these so you owe me."
What the fuck?! I owe you?? What the hell do I owe you? My undying gratitude for making me fucking eggs? If I knew I'd owe you something for taking care of me I'd have made them my damn self, but you fucking offered!
Later I mention to her that I seem to have a rash on my belly. She know goes into this spiel about how it's the Dayquil and I've gone through an entire half of the bottle in a day.
Wait, hold the phone. I look at her and say "What the hell are you talking about? I took 3 doses yesterday and 3 today, of course it's half a bottle!"
"Isn't that too much? How many are you supposed to have?"
"4 doses in a day! Read the damn bottle!"
"4? I don't know, are you sure?"
After her bath she comes in and sits on the bed and watches TV for a bit. She looks at my computer and says "Now I hope those weren't on today."
The screen is black.
"Do you see it on?"
"I don't know. I don't look."
Oh that's right, it's the "if you call out no computer rule"
Yea.
Thank god she goes to bed earlier than me.
So many reasons I hate being sick, but this house is definitely a huge one.
I almost feel sicker when she's up and around then when I'm alone and calm.
UN-fucking-believable.
Now the monster had 11 days off, great for her, hell for me.
She seemed to believe that if she had vacation I did too. Every night and every morning that woman was in my room. Constantly needing to talk or watch TV with me, asking to go to the movies, etc.
I woke up one morning and she was outside my room, waiting to hear movement. I shit you not, she even admitted to having her ear to my door.
They planned on staying a night at the MGM Grand in Connecticut Wednesday night and I planned on enjoying the peace and quiet. That was not to happen. I got sick, really sick. I won't go into details since I'm sure it will gross you out, but it wasn't pretty. I even had to wake her up at one point at 5:30am.
Before they left I had been in and out of the bathroom to which she was very aware and with my dehydration I couldn't really move from my bed. She got ready and they left, but before they did monster went downstairs to see Nana and explain my situation. She told her that I was to get the mail, bring out the trash, and pick up after myself (I was using the barrel alot since I couldn't get to the toilet). My Nana looked at her and said "Really? You actually think she's going to be able to get up and go outside let alone clean up her trash? She's sick!"
"Oh you don't think she will have the energy? Well I would think later she would."
Even my Nana is starting to realize there is something wrong with the monster. If you see someone who is winded just by standing up, constantly using the bathroom and barrel, mostly at the same time, and can do nothing but sleep, would you expect them to magically gain energy to take out the trash and get the mail?
Are you fucking for real?!
That night was horrible. I almost had my Nana take me to the hospital and I hate hospitals. It was bad. I almost fell down the stairs and then on the way back up almost passed out yet again. I had to get some Gatorade...something to stop the dehydration.
I informed my Nana later that night about what the monster does, such as staying in my room when I get home from work until 2am or that she'll just sit in here and watch TV every single night. Also, that she is jealous that I talk to Nana more than her.
The reaction from her was priceless! There were a couple "What is wrong with her?" "You've got to be kidding!" "Now she knows better than that."
I got better as the days went, thankfully I was fine by Saturday so I could spend the night with my panda. It had been way to long and nothing was going to stop me!
I came home Sunday, slept, did some chores, but felt odd.
I decided to go to bed early on Sunday and make up for the lack of sleep the night before. Monday, sucked.
Sick. Again.
This time a head cold. The entire side of my head is blocked. I'm not fully complaining cus it could certainly be worse with a sore throat or migraine.
I take some Dayquil and Afrin. Worked great so I decided to stick with it.
Monster again decides it would be a great idea to sit in my room and watch TV when I'm clearly a mess and just want to sit and stare.
Tuesday. I call out, still sick. This sucks. Not only do I hate being sick, but I hate having to stay home. It's so stressful.
I sleep a few hours and then she comes home. She comes in my room and asks how I feel.
I say fine and she adds how horrible I sound.
"Do you want something to eat?"
"What are you making?"
"Pork chops, but that may be too much. Do you want a cheese omelet?"
"Yea, that sounds good. With toast please."
"Oh I don't know. You sure? You've had some eggs this week I worry about cholesterol."
"My cholesterol isn't going to sky rocket cus I've had them 3 times in a week!"
"Oh OK, I guess so. Just cheese?"
"Yea, just cheese or over easy whatever is easier."
Is it me or did that conversation really make no sense? She was the one who said cheese omelet first right? She offered the eggs first?
Yea, OK that's what I thought.
She brings my eggs up to me, hands them to me, and says "Now I came home after working all day and made you these so you owe me."
What the fuck?! I owe you?? What the hell do I owe you? My undying gratitude for making me fucking eggs? If I knew I'd owe you something for taking care of me I'd have made them my damn self, but you fucking offered!
Later I mention to her that I seem to have a rash on my belly. She know goes into this spiel about how it's the Dayquil and I've gone through an entire half of the bottle in a day.
Wait, hold the phone. I look at her and say "What the hell are you talking about? I took 3 doses yesterday and 3 today, of course it's half a bottle!"
"Isn't that too much? How many are you supposed to have?"
"4 doses in a day! Read the damn bottle!"
"4? I don't know, are you sure?"
After her bath she comes in and sits on the bed and watches TV for a bit. She looks at my computer and says "Now I hope those weren't on today."
The screen is black.
"Do you see it on?"
"I don't know. I don't look."
Oh that's right, it's the "if you call out no computer rule"
Yea.
Thank god she goes to bed earlier than me.
So many reasons I hate being sick, but this house is definitely a huge one.
I almost feel sicker when she's up and around then when I'm alone and calm.
UN-fucking-believable.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Yea I'll grow a beard and then kick you in the balls!
The last few days have been filled with laughter, anger, aggravation, tears, and numbness.
Yea it sounds dramatic, but when one of those days is driven by PMS, everything that day is dramatic.
Sunday was a pretty great day over all. I woke up early to go shopping with the monster. We first went out to Best Buy where I got my first Christmas present; a new car stereo that will be installed on the 31st. Happy New Year to me! Been without a radio since about August...singing to myself has gotten pretty old and I'm sure it has made more than a few fellow drivers think I'm nuts.
We then went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond where I got my next present of a beautiful king bed set, decorative pillows and all!
Off to the mall! Coach, where I got my favorite bag a Christmas present of its own! A new smaller wallet! Ridiculous, maybe, but when the man you love gives you something you never expected, you get silly and it becomes your prized possession.
Then we went to Sephora, Pandora (monster wants the vi to get her a bracelet), and then Macy's.
Kmart in Billerica for the final stop and home we went.
Monster and I actually got along, talked, laughed. She was a normal mom. I enjoyed being out with her, first time in a long time.
Got home, she cooked dinner, I wrapped some gifts, and took a nap.
Oh and the conversation we had....mobile homes. She's back to liking the idea. I'm just wondering when she's gonna hate it again.
Monday. Horrible. Most of it was me, but ALOT of it was them. I didn't want to be bothered as soon as I woke up. I had a migraine and the dreaded PMS.
I tried to stay away from the vi, but had no help from the monster. She did her usual email that just read "call me" I called and she started freaking out about how my dad messes everything up, she's sick of it, she needs to take days off in order to get anything done the right way, etc, etc....
At one point she even called me to say she wanted me to go downstairs and tell my father that I didn't want to get involved, but if the TV wasn't correct (he switched out the old for a new and the color was off) that she was gonna rip it out of the wall and throw it out.
WTF...does that not put me right in the middle of it?? Why on gods green earth would I want to voluntarily go downstairs and involuntarily start a fight with him?
He was already pacing downstairs. He then started coming up and down the stairs bitching to me about her...why do I have to be involved in their arguments? Can these people not argue correctly? Do they need a middle man? Sweet Christ...I don't want that job!
Monster comes home and all hell broke loose. They start yelling at each other downstairs, monster basically calling the vi an idiot and so on.
Now the monster doesn't care if my dad snaps. Which he does occasionally, but this scares the shit out of me. He gets nasty and physical. So I wait and worry.
They come upstairs and she continues to complain, now about the new shower head the plumber had put on earlier.
He yells back, takes off the new shower head and puts back the old. Goes downstairs and waits in the kitchen.
I'm just sitting in my room not saying a word.
When she's done getting changed I follow her to the kitchen and set the table. She starts making comments about how bad the TV is which prompts the vi to call Comcast on the spot.
The operator tells him she can assist with replacing the old TV right over the phone. Monster looks at me and says "Help your father."
Help him do what? He's on the phone with help.
Now between his deafness and his bad eyesight this call quickly turned into a shit show...he's complaining, she's complaining and I'm just getting pissy-er.
Finally I stand up, walk over to my dad and take the phone. I quickly do what the operator told me to and set the remote back to the old TV.
During this phone call both the monster and vi are arguing behind me to which the vi screams out "Would you shut the fuck up!"
Nice. Comcast lady thankfully ignored that and so didn't I. White trash in the middle of beautiful middle class Tewksbury.
Dinner was kinda quiet with the vi only making a few comments and then going out for a cigarette while she cleaned up.
He went to watch TV and then she decided to go in and sit with him so they "could cuddle like newlyweds."
I'm not shitting you. This woman can change emotions on a dime.
I take over the kitchen and make gifts for my co-workers. She comes in about 2 hours later, I'm tired, my feet hurt, I'm done and ready to go upstairs. She starts commenting on my gifts and how she loves what I did, but maybe I should do this or that differently...why is this jar like this...what about doing that instead...
Holy shit! I just gave quick answers of No.
Finally I said I was going upstairs and she gave a sad sigh and answer of "well OK I guess"...really? I've been in this kitchen since 5pm and you come in at 8:30p when I'm ready to leave and get upset about it....
What...the...fuck...ever. I ignored her and went upstairs.
"Your parents love you..." she sings
VI sticks his head over her shoulder
"Hey Melis...I want you to grow a beard. Grow a beard..." he really thinks he's funny.
"So she can be a caveman." she giggles.
"Hey Melis...I'm gonna buy you a beard, a big scraggly one, so you can wear it in your cave. (asking the monster) She saying anything? She doesn't give a shit."
Now during all of this I'm not saying shit. I'm just staring with a blank expression at the both of them.
I'm so fucking sick of this crap. I have to deal with this bullshit on a daily basis and then pretend it's funny? Hell no!
Come January 1st I'm giving myself 4 months to get the fuck out of here!
Yea it sounds dramatic, but when one of those days is driven by PMS, everything that day is dramatic.
Sunday was a pretty great day over all. I woke up early to go shopping with the monster. We first went out to Best Buy where I got my first Christmas present; a new car stereo that will be installed on the 31st. Happy New Year to me! Been without a radio since about August...singing to myself has gotten pretty old and I'm sure it has made more than a few fellow drivers think I'm nuts.
We then went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond where I got my next present of a beautiful king bed set, decorative pillows and all!
Off to the mall! Coach, where I got my favorite bag a Christmas present of its own! A new smaller wallet! Ridiculous, maybe, but when the man you love gives you something you never expected, you get silly and it becomes your prized possession.
Then we went to Sephora, Pandora (monster wants the vi to get her a bracelet), and then Macy's.
Kmart in Billerica for the final stop and home we went.
Monster and I actually got along, talked, laughed. She was a normal mom. I enjoyed being out with her, first time in a long time.
Got home, she cooked dinner, I wrapped some gifts, and took a nap.
Oh and the conversation we had....mobile homes. She's back to liking the idea. I'm just wondering when she's gonna hate it again.
Monday. Horrible. Most of it was me, but ALOT of it was them. I didn't want to be bothered as soon as I woke up. I had a migraine and the dreaded PMS.
I tried to stay away from the vi, but had no help from the monster. She did her usual email that just read "call me" I called and she started freaking out about how my dad messes everything up, she's sick of it, she needs to take days off in order to get anything done the right way, etc, etc....
At one point she even called me to say she wanted me to go downstairs and tell my father that I didn't want to get involved, but if the TV wasn't correct (he switched out the old for a new and the color was off) that she was gonna rip it out of the wall and throw it out.
WTF...does that not put me right in the middle of it?? Why on gods green earth would I want to voluntarily go downstairs and involuntarily start a fight with him?
He was already pacing downstairs. He then started coming up and down the stairs bitching to me about her...why do I have to be involved in their arguments? Can these people not argue correctly? Do they need a middle man? Sweet Christ...I don't want that job!
Monster comes home and all hell broke loose. They start yelling at each other downstairs, monster basically calling the vi an idiot and so on.
Now the monster doesn't care if my dad snaps. Which he does occasionally, but this scares the shit out of me. He gets nasty and physical. So I wait and worry.
They come upstairs and she continues to complain, now about the new shower head the plumber had put on earlier.
He yells back, takes off the new shower head and puts back the old. Goes downstairs and waits in the kitchen.
I'm just sitting in my room not saying a word.
When she's done getting changed I follow her to the kitchen and set the table. She starts making comments about how bad the TV is which prompts the vi to call Comcast on the spot.
The operator tells him she can assist with replacing the old TV right over the phone. Monster looks at me and says "Help your father."
Help him do what? He's on the phone with help.
Now between his deafness and his bad eyesight this call quickly turned into a shit show...he's complaining, she's complaining and I'm just getting pissy-er.
Finally I stand up, walk over to my dad and take the phone. I quickly do what the operator told me to and set the remote back to the old TV.
During this phone call both the monster and vi are arguing behind me to which the vi screams out "Would you shut the fuck up!"
Nice. Comcast lady thankfully ignored that and so didn't I. White trash in the middle of beautiful middle class Tewksbury.
Dinner was kinda quiet with the vi only making a few comments and then going out for a cigarette while she cleaned up.
He went to watch TV and then she decided to go in and sit with him so they "could cuddle like newlyweds."
I'm not shitting you. This woman can change emotions on a dime.
I take over the kitchen and make gifts for my co-workers. She comes in about 2 hours later, I'm tired, my feet hurt, I'm done and ready to go upstairs. She starts commenting on my gifts and how she loves what I did, but maybe I should do this or that differently...why is this jar like this...what about doing that instead...
Holy shit! I just gave quick answers of No.
Finally I said I was going upstairs and she gave a sad sigh and answer of "well OK I guess"...really? I've been in this kitchen since 5pm and you come in at 8:30p when I'm ready to leave and get upset about it....
What...the...fuck...ever. I ignored her and went upstairs.
"Your parents love you..." she sings
VI sticks his head over her shoulder
"Hey Melis...I want you to grow a beard. Grow a beard..." he really thinks he's funny.
"So she can be a caveman." she giggles.
"Hey Melis...I'm gonna buy you a beard, a big scraggly one, so you can wear it in your cave. (asking the monster) She saying anything? She doesn't give a shit."
Now during all of this I'm not saying shit. I'm just staring with a blank expression at the both of them.
I'm so fucking sick of this crap. I have to deal with this bullshit on a daily basis and then pretend it's funny? Hell no!
Come January 1st I'm giving myself 4 months to get the fuck out of here!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Ho, Ho, Ho...where did I go?
For the last 3 years the holidays have been pretty tough for me.
'09 I realized I was unhappy in my marriage, but still had to play the part with family
'10 I was newly divorced, living back with my parents, and the man I want to be with is not with me.
This year, still with the parents, stressing about finding a place, and still not with my panda.
It seems to get harder with each passing year.
Now to add to my holiday blues, the monster is playing her roller coaster of approval game again.
I had a plan to move out of the cave at the beginning of the year, that didn't go as planned.
I then thought it would be a good idea to buy a place. I was looking at mobile homes, the stationary ones that look like homes. I mentioned how this was highly viewed by the monster in my last blog.
Well, that has changed for some reason.
Monsters new view on the mobile home is that it is too much work for me. I don't live with a man so who will do the yard work or shovel/snowplow the drive way for me? Yea, really, she said that. No joke.
I'd then have to purchase a lawnmower and a snow blower which would be too costly for me.
The VI said that mobile homes built before 1980 or so were built with Formaldehyde, so we would have to gut the whole place and have it redone. I take this with a grain of salt since we all know how smart the VI is.
I asked about a condo, apparently I don't have enough money.
Now they say I should look at a studio apartment. Monster does not want me living with a room mate at any cost.
She believes it won't work, I'll get screwed. She's always dreamed/wanted me to live on my own. I'll apparently love it.
I'm not a live alone kind of girl. I have an overactive imagination! I can turn any noise into a flesh eating monster coming to get me cus I'm fat and tasty!
If I do decide to go against her "wishes" it's gonna be World War 3 in this house for a long time and if anything were to go wrong I'd never live it down. Even in death they'd find a way to say "I told ya so!"
So now I'm stuck. I don't want a studio apartment. I have enough furniture to fill a house and I hate the thought of having people over to hang out in my bedroom.
I just want space, freedom, relief. I want to be happy with where I live, not settle cus I want to get out so badly I can taste it.
I'm scratching at the walls here! Crying nightly has become a ritual before bed. Can I say this to the monster? Of course not, she's the poster child for the perfect parent, didn't you know?
People tell me constantly, it's your life, you can't let her tell you what to do, etc, etc.
It's easier said then done. The shit I have had to deal with by going against her or the constant comments of how I "never" listen to them and I always make the wrong decisions. That wears on a person after awhile and you just want to shut them up.
I don't want a studio and I'm gonna do my damnedest not to end up in one, but I may have to suck it up.
I'd prefer a big place with a room mate then the quiet, boring, loneliness, of living alone.
All in all it just adds up to I'm tired of being sad, I'm tired of being lonely, I'm tired of waiting for good things to happen to me, I want things to start changing in my favor. I want my freedom, I want my space, I want my sanity, I want my panda, I want myself back!
'09 I realized I was unhappy in my marriage, but still had to play the part with family
'10 I was newly divorced, living back with my parents, and the man I want to be with is not with me.
This year, still with the parents, stressing about finding a place, and still not with my panda.
It seems to get harder with each passing year.
Now to add to my holiday blues, the monster is playing her roller coaster of approval game again.
I had a plan to move out of the cave at the beginning of the year, that didn't go as planned.
I then thought it would be a good idea to buy a place. I was looking at mobile homes, the stationary ones that look like homes. I mentioned how this was highly viewed by the monster in my last blog.
Well, that has changed for some reason.
Monsters new view on the mobile home is that it is too much work for me. I don't live with a man so who will do the yard work or shovel/snowplow the drive way for me? Yea, really, she said that. No joke.
I'd then have to purchase a lawnmower and a snow blower which would be too costly for me.
The VI said that mobile homes built before 1980 or so were built with Formaldehyde, so we would have to gut the whole place and have it redone. I take this with a grain of salt since we all know how smart the VI is.
I asked about a condo, apparently I don't have enough money.
Now they say I should look at a studio apartment. Monster does not want me living with a room mate at any cost.
She believes it won't work, I'll get screwed. She's always dreamed/wanted me to live on my own. I'll apparently love it.
I'm not a live alone kind of girl. I have an overactive imagination! I can turn any noise into a flesh eating monster coming to get me cus I'm fat and tasty!
If I do decide to go against her "wishes" it's gonna be World War 3 in this house for a long time and if anything were to go wrong I'd never live it down. Even in death they'd find a way to say "I told ya so!"
So now I'm stuck. I don't want a studio apartment. I have enough furniture to fill a house and I hate the thought of having people over to hang out in my bedroom.
I just want space, freedom, relief. I want to be happy with where I live, not settle cus I want to get out so badly I can taste it.
I'm scratching at the walls here! Crying nightly has become a ritual before bed. Can I say this to the monster? Of course not, she's the poster child for the perfect parent, didn't you know?
People tell me constantly, it's your life, you can't let her tell you what to do, etc, etc.
It's easier said then done. The shit I have had to deal with by going against her or the constant comments of how I "never" listen to them and I always make the wrong decisions. That wears on a person after awhile and you just want to shut them up.
I don't want a studio and I'm gonna do my damnedest not to end up in one, but I may have to suck it up.
I'd prefer a big place with a room mate then the quiet, boring, loneliness, of living alone.
All in all it just adds up to I'm tired of being sad, I'm tired of being lonely, I'm tired of waiting for good things to happen to me, I want things to start changing in my favor. I want my freedom, I want my space, I want my sanity, I want my panda, I want myself back!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Definitely tricks...no treats
I know it's been awhile since I last blogged, but it's the same old shit everyday. Last thing I'd want to do is become boring or sound like a broken record.
The adventures of the monster and vi do continue though.
The monster and I have been doing somewhat OK with each other lately. I had an idea of buying a place instead of renting and she is behind it 100%. I'm thinking of buying a mobile home, no wheels, the house like ones.
Shocked me a bit, but then I realized, of course she's behind it she had mentioned me buying one for years when I was with Jello. He never wanted to cus it was dubbed "a mobile home".
She'll always be a cheerleader for anything she thought of that I follow.
Halloween or as I called it November-ween, was as ridiculous as ever.
She generally spends about $300 on candy and the cave is known as the best house for candy in the neighborhood.
Last year I came up with an idea on how to make the candy giving easier since she gives multiple things to each kid. This year, for instance, she gave each trick or treater a giant pixie stick, an airhead, a bag of cracker jacks, and a bag of chips.
I took each item, punched a hole in it, weaved some twine through, and created little bundles of happy.
All she has to do is picked up the twine and drop the bundle in a bag. Done.
She forgot to ask me this year until 4pm day of.
There I sat on the hallway floor surrounded by sugar and bags, creating bundles and watching her run around like a chicken with her head cut off. We had to eat by 4pm just in case any early birds rang the bell.
Sadistically I was hoping they would come early just to see the look of fear, shock, and adrenaline shoot through her all at once.
Finally, we got dressed and ready for the little bastards to start showing up.
My plan was to sit inside on the stairs and continue the bundles while she stood outside on the porch passing stuff out.
Then came the questions.
"where are your shoes?"
"where's your jacket?"
"your gonna wear that?"
"isn't that a little low cut?"
These questions were repeated about 5 times each within about a half hour. They only stopped cus I freaked and told her to leave me the hell alone. Nana told her the same thing. I love being backed up by the matriarch, it's such a power trip.
Only got about 100 kids when we're used to about 250. Monster was shocked and bummed.
Monday came.
I headed out to see an old friend for lunch and once I got home I didn't want to do anything but sit and read. Didn't think anything was wrong with this, but once the monster came upstairs to get ready for bed I knew my decision hadn't gone over well.
"Yea know it would have been nice to see you today. I'm not gonna see you all week"
*Groan*
Really? You can't go a day without seeing me? Not only did the woman see me earlier than normal on Saturday night, but she saw me all day (literally) on Sunday AND she has this Friday off. Plus, I was right here, in the house...I can't be alone and read in peace without having to stop, go downstairs, have a forced conversation so you can "see me", then come upstairs and continue what I was doin?
What the hell are they going to do when I move? What the hell did they do before I moved back?
Anyway, the monster went into ignore mode, but when I woke up this morning there was a nice note from her, like nothing was wrong at all. Crazypants.
The vi is just one hell of an annoying SOB.
I can't handle it. He's making me lose my mind.
I left early today to get an oil change. I was running late which was very clear since I was basically running down the stairs and throwing things into my car.
He, for some odd reason, had parked behind me. I asked him to move his car.
"No."
"Dad, I have to go get an oil change."
"I know."
He stands there and watches me pack up my car. I turn and stare back at him.
"So could you move your car?"
"Are you gonna move yours?"
"Really? I just said I have to get an oil change, of course I'm moving my car."
What the hell? Am I being punk'd?
1. the man needs a hearing aide
2. he needs an attitude adjustment
3. he needs to stop thinking he's funny
This sounds humorous to an outsider, but I know what he's really doing. He's done it my whole life.
He wants me to get riled up. He wants a fight. It's almost like he yearns for it; to have a reason to explode.
Thankfully I've learned to play the game and I now win every time.
Take that you village idiot.
The adventures of the monster and vi do continue though.
The monster and I have been doing somewhat OK with each other lately. I had an idea of buying a place instead of renting and she is behind it 100%. I'm thinking of buying a mobile home, no wheels, the house like ones.
Shocked me a bit, but then I realized, of course she's behind it she had mentioned me buying one for years when I was with Jello. He never wanted to cus it was dubbed "a mobile home".
She'll always be a cheerleader for anything she thought of that I follow.
Halloween or as I called it November-ween, was as ridiculous as ever.
She generally spends about $300 on candy and the cave is known as the best house for candy in the neighborhood.
Last year I came up with an idea on how to make the candy giving easier since she gives multiple things to each kid. This year, for instance, she gave each trick or treater a giant pixie stick, an airhead, a bag of cracker jacks, and a bag of chips.
I took each item, punched a hole in it, weaved some twine through, and created little bundles of happy.
All she has to do is picked up the twine and drop the bundle in a bag. Done.
She forgot to ask me this year until 4pm day of.
There I sat on the hallway floor surrounded by sugar and bags, creating bundles and watching her run around like a chicken with her head cut off. We had to eat by 4pm just in case any early birds rang the bell.
Sadistically I was hoping they would come early just to see the look of fear, shock, and adrenaline shoot through her all at once.
Finally, we got dressed and ready for the little bastards to start showing up.
My plan was to sit inside on the stairs and continue the bundles while she stood outside on the porch passing stuff out.
Then came the questions.
"where are your shoes?"
"where's your jacket?"
"your gonna wear that?"
"isn't that a little low cut?"
These questions were repeated about 5 times each within about a half hour. They only stopped cus I freaked and told her to leave me the hell alone. Nana told her the same thing. I love being backed up by the matriarch, it's such a power trip.
Only got about 100 kids when we're used to about 250. Monster was shocked and bummed.
Monday came.
I headed out to see an old friend for lunch and once I got home I didn't want to do anything but sit and read. Didn't think anything was wrong with this, but once the monster came upstairs to get ready for bed I knew my decision hadn't gone over well.
"Yea know it would have been nice to see you today. I'm not gonna see you all week"
*Groan*
Really? You can't go a day without seeing me? Not only did the woman see me earlier than normal on Saturday night, but she saw me all day (literally) on Sunday AND she has this Friday off. Plus, I was right here, in the house...I can't be alone and read in peace without having to stop, go downstairs, have a forced conversation so you can "see me", then come upstairs and continue what I was doin?
What the hell are they going to do when I move? What the hell did they do before I moved back?
Anyway, the monster went into ignore mode, but when I woke up this morning there was a nice note from her, like nothing was wrong at all. Crazypants.
The vi is just one hell of an annoying SOB.
I can't handle it. He's making me lose my mind.
I left early today to get an oil change. I was running late which was very clear since I was basically running down the stairs and throwing things into my car.
He, for some odd reason, had parked behind me. I asked him to move his car.
"No."
"Dad, I have to go get an oil change."
"I know."
He stands there and watches me pack up my car. I turn and stare back at him.
"So could you move your car?"
"Are you gonna move yours?"
"Really? I just said I have to get an oil change, of course I'm moving my car."
What the hell? Am I being punk'd?
1. the man needs a hearing aide
2. he needs an attitude adjustment
3. he needs to stop thinking he's funny
This sounds humorous to an outsider, but I know what he's really doing. He's done it my whole life.
He wants me to get riled up. He wants a fight. It's almost like he yearns for it; to have a reason to explode.
Thankfully I've learned to play the game and I now win every time.
Take that you village idiot.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Perceptions
If your looking for stories of the monster and vi...this blog won't give them to you. Its been the same with them lately. Dumb ass questions, actions, but both have been in pretty good moods. I won't say that my level of aggravation and annoyance has gone down. It hasn't by any means, but it's tolerable at the moment.
I feel the need to just write...
Notate my favorite quotes, perceptions on life and situations, etc.
You may see this as boring, but tough, my blog my choice...*add raspberry noise here*
Family
The quote "the grass is always greener on the other side" is such a true statement.
I remember growing up and wishing that I had parents like my friends. Always fun, relaxed, had parties, went cool places, etc. Of course I grew out of that and learned of the hardships each of my parents had gone through. I appreciate them for who they are and what they've taught me.
Now I just wish they'd have a drink or at least smoke some pot to friggen relax and enjoy life instead of always fearing it.
There have been a few deliveries to the cave in the last few weeks such as a new couch and new frig...both times monster thought the deliver guys were casing the house. Way to be paranoid.
Favorite family quotes:
~Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ---- George Burns
~If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. ----George Bernard Shaw
~Family is a mixed blessing. You’re glad to have one, but it’s also like receiving a life sentence for a crime you didn’t commit. ~Richard Pryor
Friendship
This to me is linked with family, but it means more since I don't really know most of my family. I know I have more family members out there somewhere, but damned if I know them.
Friends mean the world to me. Loyalty, no judgement, understanding, laughing, crying, everything a person needs to get through any situation.
I wouldn't be where I am right now if it wasn't for my friends, especially my bestie. She has pulled me through more than I could ever write about. She's been there through it all. And I mean all of it and there's much more to come for both of us.
I try to be the best friend I can be to all my friends. Sometimes it's tough depending on life and drama, but I do the best I can. I cherish the ones that stick by me and will always view them as family. They've earned the title.
Favorite friendship quotes:
~“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”
~"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are."
~"Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families."
~“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”
Love
Love is a funny thing.
One minute your floating and everything is right with the world. Then next moment your world is collapsing for something that could be so small to anyone else.
I've learned you have to find faith in love. You have to believe that no matter what it will find a way.
I have been hurt by this emotion many times, but I'm trying to learn to trust in it. I have found how strong love can be and how devastating.
I'm smack in the middle of it now...stronger than any other love I've felt in my life. It's hard, but to me it's worth it. I am a hopeless romantic and I wear my heart on my sleeve.
Favorite love quotes (there's quite a few of these)
~" I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you."
~" In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged."
~" If I know what love is, it is because of you."
~" If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand."
~"I wished for nothing beyond her smile, and to walk with her thus, hand in hand, along a sun-warmed, flower-bordered path."
~"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved."
~"Love is friendship set on fire."
~Amor vincit omnia
OK so that's enough of my random thoughts. It's 2:30am and I'm sleepy. Just to put it out there, I'm headed to Cancun on October 21 and plan to write a blog every single night I'm there. 5 days away from the cave deserves to be celebrated even in writing. Sober or drunk...there will be blogs!
I feel the need to just write...
Notate my favorite quotes, perceptions on life and situations, etc.
You may see this as boring, but tough, my blog my choice...*add raspberry noise here*
Family
The quote "the grass is always greener on the other side" is such a true statement.
I remember growing up and wishing that I had parents like my friends. Always fun, relaxed, had parties, went cool places, etc. Of course I grew out of that and learned of the hardships each of my parents had gone through. I appreciate them for who they are and what they've taught me.
Now I just wish they'd have a drink or at least smoke some pot to friggen relax and enjoy life instead of always fearing it.
There have been a few deliveries to the cave in the last few weeks such as a new couch and new frig...both times monster thought the deliver guys were casing the house. Way to be paranoid.
Favorite family quotes:
~Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ---- George Burns
~If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. ----George Bernard Shaw
~Family is a mixed blessing. You’re glad to have one, but it’s also like receiving a life sentence for a crime you didn’t commit. ~Richard Pryor
Friendship
This to me is linked with family, but it means more since I don't really know most of my family. I know I have more family members out there somewhere, but damned if I know them.
Friends mean the world to me. Loyalty, no judgement, understanding, laughing, crying, everything a person needs to get through any situation.
I wouldn't be where I am right now if it wasn't for my friends, especially my bestie. She has pulled me through more than I could ever write about. She's been there through it all. And I mean all of it and there's much more to come for both of us.
I try to be the best friend I can be to all my friends. Sometimes it's tough depending on life and drama, but I do the best I can. I cherish the ones that stick by me and will always view them as family. They've earned the title.
Favorite friendship quotes:
~“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”
~"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are."
~"Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families."
~“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”
Love
Love is a funny thing.
One minute your floating and everything is right with the world. Then next moment your world is collapsing for something that could be so small to anyone else.
I've learned you have to find faith in love. You have to believe that no matter what it will find a way.
I have been hurt by this emotion many times, but I'm trying to learn to trust in it. I have found how strong love can be and how devastating.
I'm smack in the middle of it now...stronger than any other love I've felt in my life. It's hard, but to me it's worth it. I am a hopeless romantic and I wear my heart on my sleeve.
Favorite love quotes (there's quite a few of these)
~" I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you."
~" In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged."
~" If I know what love is, it is because of you."
~" If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand."
~"I wished for nothing beyond her smile, and to walk with her thus, hand in hand, along a sun-warmed, flower-bordered path."
~"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved."
~"Love is friendship set on fire."
~Amor vincit omnia
OK so that's enough of my random thoughts. It's 2:30am and I'm sleepy. Just to put it out there, I'm headed to Cancun on October 21 and plan to write a blog every single night I'm there. 5 days away from the cave deserves to be celebrated even in writing. Sober or drunk...there will be blogs!
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