We are now in the mists of the monster's suspension.
It started off pretty well...in fact Sunday she wasn't a monster at all.
She was singing and laughing. We went out to pick up my first summer dress and she paid! No questions or snide comments. Just offered to pay.
We went looking for party ideas for my friend's bachelorette party. Giggling in the aisle and coming up with great ideas.
Real mother/daughter normal stuff. Kinda weird, but nice.
We get home, have a great dinner, then I come upstairs and begin working on shower invitations.
All in all...an almost perfect day with her.
Monday.
The day started off with monster having to take my Nana to the doctor for some radiation therapy. I was pretending to still be asleep, but I heard her getting ready.
I get up after she leaves and finish the rest of the invites.
She calls from the doctors and asks if I could put the chicken in the oven. Great, no problem!
I start my chores...3 loads of laundry, strip/make the bed, dust, vacuum, etc.
She gets home, comes upstairs and seems fine still. Weird, but I'll take it!
She tries on clothes and asks my opinion before she gets rid of them. Then she asks me to look at hotels for her and the vi in Reno, NV.
I have done this 3 times for them for the same hotels, so needless to say I sigh and make a smart ass comment. I felt safe in doing so since she seemed to be in one of those joking moods.
That comment showed me she was actually in transition mode. I was walking on glass. Very thin glass.
She goes from singing to "We don't ask you for much, but I can tell your aggravated so never mind."
Oh shit.
But just like a the perfect crazypants that she is...10 seconds flat she's back to singing.
Are you kidding me? I'm waiting for her head to spin Exorcist style.
She goes down stairs to finish dinner as I fold my first load of laundry.
She calls me down to dinner...
Dinner was fine.
After, I mention that I need to see if the FedEx guy had left a package of registration cards for the shower invites at the front door.
I look and he had.
I go back into the kitchen, tell monster, then say I have to go finish the invites so I can be done with them and send them out tomorrow before work.
That's when it begins.
Now let me paint a normal after dinner situation.
We finish dinner...the vi goes out on the porch to have cigarette and read the paper...I sit at the table while the monster does the dishes.
Normal.
Since I have been a kid...this is what happens.
Well, today apparently there is a change in the cave and someone forgot to tell me.
After informing her that I have to go and finish the invites she starts getting upset.
"Oh, well OK, I thought you could help me, but don't worry about it I guess."
*Place eye roll here*
"What do you want me to do?"
"Nothing...don't worry. Just go."
"Mom seriously, I have to stuff and close 77 invitations, but do you want me to do something for you first?"
"Nope don't worry just go and finish."
"Fine."
I go and finish my invites. Of course as soon as I get upstairs I eavesdrop and listen to her bitching to my father about me. Same shit different day.
After I finish, I go downstairs to switch out my last load of laundry. I go into the kitchen and that's when the lecture begins.
The gist of it...
As a woman/daughter I should automatically want to help with cleaning up.
She doesn't know me, my life, my friends, nothing. She looks and talks to other mothers/daughters and feels empty.
She is the only one in my life that will ever help me.
When my life falls apart she is always there, but what is she aside from that.
She says I have hatred toward her...she feels my aggravation with her.
She believes that when I move out she will never see me again.
She then goes into the past with my ex husband and how we screwed up...literally went back 9 years ago.
I don't spend time with her on Friday/Saturday nights. When I do it's forced. She wants me to want to spend time with her.
She also said that when we were standing in line at the Dollar Store, she was standing behind me and we didn't talk so that was the first time she realized how alone she is. How we really don't have a relationship and she blames herself.
I told her that was 5 minutes out of the entire day and she is harping on the fact that we didn't talk while in line and surrounded my loud ass teenagers? Really? I told her to stop reading into shit.
I just sat there after that. I couldn't really disagree with the rest. I did however tell her that ever since I moved back I feel she is clingy. She wants a relationship with me that she has with my Nana and that is never going to happen. I am who I am...and it's not her.
After awhile she told me that she had talked my ear off enough and to go to my Nana's to get my jeans taken in.
So off I went downstairs.
As soon as my Nana's door closed I went off. I told her everything. I got so upset I cried.
This is strange to me since I don't like crying in front of my family. I never have. So I have to be really upset to do this and it only lasts until I can regain control again. When I cry I expect criticism or "why the hell are you crying" comments.
So there it is. Half way through purgatory. She goes back to work on Thursday, then Friday, then she has Saturday-Tuesday off. The only thing stopping a death in this house is that they may be spending the night at Foxwoods on Sunday. I may actually be able to enjoy my weekend.
We shall see.
As for now...I sit in this room, thinking about my life and where it is now. Kinda want to cry again.
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