Cycles...

It has been a long ass time since I last wrote.
There have been ups and downs with the monster (of course).  I'm in a down cycle now.
There's also a few changes around the bend that I'm hoping will come to pass.
My hatred for the VI has increased as well.  Thinking of changing his name to Shit Fuck.  Thoughts are welcome.

A few weeks back the monster was on a "good" cycle. 
I'm going to call them cycles from now on and the reason is because she spins or at least leaves me spinning.
Good cycles, her attitude is basically..."Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
Bad cycles, she's out of control, no one can catch up and all hell breaks loose eventually.

Good Cycle:
These are starting to become a serious pain in the ass. 
It started on a Friday night and continued through to Monday.
Friday, I got home from work at 12:10a.  As I was driving around the corner I could see her standing on the screened-in porch watching me pull into the drive way.  I opened the car door and as soon as I did I hear...
"Hi dear"
"Hey mom."
I start up the stairs...
"Why are you home late?"
"What do you mean? I get home around this time every night."
"No, it's 10 past you usually get home around 10 of."
"Really? I stayed and talked to some of the girls."
"Oh."
I walk in, chewing gum.
"What's with the gum?"
"I felt like chewing gum."
"Oh."
I walk past her and into the house.  She follows very closely behind me.
"So what's going on?"
"Nothing, I just got in and I have to put my stuff away."
"Oh.  How was your day?"
"Fine....why are you up my ass?"
"I don't know.  Huh.."
We head upstairs, she takes a bath, then goes to bed.
Ugh.  The last thing someone wants after working until midnight, is to come home and to walk in to a wall of what the fuck.

Saturday:
I don't really remember it.  I think I may have voluntarily blocked it out.
What I do recall is that she begged to make my lunch and when I got to work there was the classic "I love you, Mom" note.
Then once home...yea, no idea.  Total hole in the memory.

Sunday:
Now this day was ridiculous.  By the end of the night I was on the verge of jumping out the 3rd story window after crying till I almost puked.  Just frustrating.
The day started normally enough and she was in a good mood.
I sat downstairs every once in a while and shot the shit with her.  Made sure I was "around" so she couldn't complain later.
After dinner the VI asked me to look something up online.  The monster started to argue that I could do it later and he didn't need to know right away.
I said I'll just go look now (perfect reason to be away from them for a bit).  I went upstairs, but slowly so I could listen to the argument going on downstairs.
"Why did you want that, like, right now?"
"What's the big deal? It'll take 2 seconds?"
"I wanted her to stay down here with me!"

I looked up what I had to look up and then went back downstairs, hesitantly.
I stayed down a bit longer and then went back upstairs to relax.  This was around 6p.
around 7-7:30p the vi went to bed.  After the monster tucked him in, yes...she tucks him in.  No lie.
I can understand kissing him when he goes to bed or if he's already laying down, but she legit tucks him in.
Sometimes she'll even run upstairs ahead of him and hide in the closet or under the bed.
Someone is a regular passenger on the crazy train.

She finishes, then opens my door.  The following comments were made in this order and each time my door just opened, followed by her head poking in.  No knocking whatsoever.  Privacy? What's privacy?

"I'm going downstairs to clean out the dishwasher"
1/2 hour later
"I'm going to run my bathwater."
10 min. later
"I'm going downstairs to have my poo poo tea (don't ask).  I'll be back soon."
 1/2 hour later
"I'm gonna take a bath."
15 minutes later
"I'm going down to Nana's for a bit to do my hair and watch TV."
About 10p she comes back upstairs, comes into my room, sits down and starts asking questions.

"Foxwoods told me that I need to call them on the 1st to get any new deals.  You think you can go online and see if they are available yet?"
"If they told you to wait till the 1st of the month then the soonest I'd see anything is at midnight."
"Oh no really? You can't see anything online?"
"No mom.  As great as the Internet is, unfortunately it's not a portal into the future."
*add depressed sigh and facial expression from her*
Silence
"Oh! I know!  I have been trying to find my spray hair gel, but it's been sold out.  Can you go online to try and find it?"

Now it's well past her bed time, she's been up my butt all weekend.  I'm ready for some me time which clearly isn't coming as quickly as I'd like it to.

"No mom.  It's 10:10p...you're usually in bed now."
Sigh..."OK." Silence..."Your sure about Foxwoods?"
"Yes."
Silence
"Let me just go get the bottle and just check real quick to see if you can find it anywhere.  I'll buy 3 if you do."
"Oh my god mom!"
She walks back into my room and hands me the bottle.
L'Oreal is out of stock.
"It's no where mom.  Even L'Oreal is out."
"So what does that mean?"
"It means it's not available."
"So I can't get it anywhere?"
"No.  It's sold out.  If the vendor doesn't have it, no one has it"
"Well, what do you mean?"
"I MEAN IT CEASES TO BE! NO MORE!"
"Well for god sake! Every time I fall in love with something they discontinue it.  Just my luck.  Now what am I gonna do?"
"Find something else."
*add hugely obvious eye roll from me*

She then sits down on my bed again.  Silence.  Then the moment I seriously thought my mother was high.
She starts clapping in a way that sounds like snapping.  She placed her hands together in a praying manner, locked her thumbs together and then started clapping only her fingers together.
She was enthralled.
"Oh my god Melis!  Listen! Do you hear that?"
"Hear what? You're clapping."
"It sounds like my bones are hitting."
"Your bones?"
"Yea.  Listen! That's so weird."
"Mom, does it hurt?"
"No."
"Then your not cracking your bones together."
"Oh.  Well it's still weird."
"Your creating an air pocket and clapping your fingers is just breaking the air."
"Wow...so strange."
"OK mom...baby needs to go to sleep.  It's way past your bedtime."

She laughed.  Finally got up after sitting there for another 10 min. or so.
She left and I waited for her bedroom door to close....then I cried.
I just sat there and cried.  Built up over the weekend with her, other personal issues, and regular stress.
I took off my glasses, cried into my hands, and started rubbing my face.  Thank god I did that!
As soon as I started rubbing...guess what?
My fucking door opened!
"I'm going to sleep downstairs your father is too loud."
"Yea, OK."
Would you like an escort?  Are you asking my permission? What is with all the check in's?????

Monday:
Nothing off except for before she went to bed.  She stopped on her way out of my room and looked back.
"I wish we could have done something this weekend."  extremely sad and puppy dogish
"Like what?"
"I don't know.  Just something."  random sighs
"Mom, I work Friday and Saturday, then Sunday is laundry and cleaning day."
"I know.  OK, I guess I'll see you next week"
"Your gonna see me on Friday."
"Yea, next week."

WTF?! Friday is in 4 days!
Sad/disappointed face...closed the door...off to bed.

She wasn't as bad the next weekend, but this past weekend...we are headed into a bad cycle.  My asshole father did an asshole thing.  Created drama that was uncalled for and he did it on purpose.
I'm ready to punch him in the face and tell him to go fuck himself.  I'm almost to the point where I wanna be cruel and say "Now I know why your other kids want nothing to do with you!"
I would never though.  I'm not a cruel person.  I can be a serious bitch, but never straight up cruel.

So now, the monster is in weird mode.  Not very talkative and when she is it's cold.  Shit.  Awesome.
The only light for me at the moment is that there is a possibility that I may be out of the cave soon.  I'm hoping to all that is holy this happens, but I'm waiting with baited breath at the moment.
So much stress, so much anxiety.
I'm doing the best I can with dealing with it all.
Just hope things work out the way I want them too.