Ambush

So last night tea never happened.  I come home to find the village idiot still home, sitting at the table, and looking through the newspaper for apartments.  I say hello and remove my coat then place my stuff on the stairs.  The monster was in the bathroom and the first words out of her mouth..."Don't worry about having tea.  he's here too late so he saved you."  First clue...she's in a "mood".
Damn it!
I never know what to expect when I see her.  She changes moods like underwear.  It's stressing to say the least. I walk back into the kitchen in a daze of confusion.  The vi opens his mouth, bad move.  "So when are you moving out because I think it would be good if you stayed here for awhile to save as much money as you can."
The monster is thinking differently and says, 4 times in a row, that she knows I won't stay and it's for the best. "What she should do and what she will do doesn't matter anymore."
What did I do now???  Seriously?  Did I set something on fire that I wasn't aware of?  What is going on?
So the vi keeps asking the same question and the monster keeps answering the same way until he shushes her stating that he wants my answer not hers.  I simply say that I'm not staying forever, I'm 32 and would like to live on my own.
Well I'm a dumb ass. That opened the flood gates.  The monster starts in with a barrage of how I will never be able to live on my own, I don't know what I'm doing with money, I should be like her but I never will be and that is why I will never live without a roommate, I can't live with roommates because I can't handle living with people, she knows I can't stand coming home to do the bills with her and she doesn't understand that; I should be happy and want to learn from her, be like her.  Really Mr. Miyagi?  This grasshopper has her own thoughts and ways she wants to do things.  I have never wanted to be like you!!! There is a very good reason for this!  Your a crazypants!
I reminded her that I used to live in an apartment with 5 people.  I survived there for a few years.  She, of course, has an answer for that saying I couldn't stand it there.  Well I think living there for a few years is a pretty good example that I can handle roommates.  ARGH!
In between all this the vi is just sitting there.  She turns to him and tells him to get up and get his fat ass to work.
Ahhh the joys of family.
He leaves and I follow to move my truck. We get to the cars and he turns to me saying she has been like this since she got home.  Oh goody and here I thought it was just me.
I go back into the house, fighting the urge to grab my clothes and run.
I'm tired, wanna get away from her as quickly as possible, but I sit.  I stay around her for a full half hour.  Small talk, watch her get her tea and then finally I say I want to go and get in bed.
I walk, sorry, run upstairs...
Later she comes up and takes a bath, comes in to say goodnight and asks if we can cancel our plans for this Thursday.
This Thursday was supposed to be an adventure with her into the world of Salvation Army.  She is obsessed with this place.  Also feels that if I don't purchased certain clothing items aka jeans from here I will be broke and will never be able to afford clothes again.  I personally hate the army.  I don't want clothes from there it skeeves me the hell out!!
So, to humor her and stop the arguing about this I agreed to give it a try.  We made plans and also decided to have lunch that day as well.  Now she wants to cancel.
I asked why and her reason is that she doesn't want to battle me any longer.  She is giving up.  She leaves my room crying and closes the door.  With a roll of my eyes and a deep breathe I follow her.  I open my door and she has already barricaded herself in her bedroom.  I give up myself...that sounds like a great idea.
I go back to bed and let her be.  I can't play these games anymore.
I have not argued with her in a few weeks so where the battling comes from...beats the shit out of me.
So now I sit here typing away and praying to God she doesn't come home until I after I have left for work.
She has a routine.  Every Saturday she goes out with my nana to the army, dollar store, and food shopping.  If she comes home before I leave...there's a 50/50 chance she will be silent and cold.
This is such a great way to live...I know you all are super jealous.