Now this isn't a bash against my ex-husband by any means. He was and is a great guy, but things went sour as alot of relationships do. He lacked a few of the traits I like, but that's not what got to us in the end. One of the traits he lacked was the jealous/protectiveness, no backbone so to speak; so let's call him Jello.
Jello and I met about 12 years ago. He had a crush on me from afar and eventually it made it's way to me. We were set up by a manager at the store we worked at.
Our relationship was up and down; admittedly I was clingy. Not good.
We broke up numerous times. The longest was 8 months; only to get back together after a horrible car accident he had been in.
After that only one more break up and then we stayed together.
We first lived in an apartment with 5 people. That was interesting to say the least.
Jello and I had so many financial issues that we had to get the monster involved to help get us on a budget. Big Mistake. She jumped in with verve! Knew everything about everything.
Between Jello getting upset about money he couldn't spend cus it was going into savings to monster complaining to me that Jello is going to screw me over money wise, I was at a breaking point.
Between Jello getting upset about money he couldn't spend cus it was going into savings to monster complaining to me that Jello is going to screw me over money wise, I was at a breaking point.
The monster eventually got us secure enough where we could finally afford our own apartment and Jello could get me an engagement ring.
He proposed before we moved. We were happy and all those things.
We got our own place and it was great!
Things seemed to be moving in the right direction. I mean this is what couples are supposed to do right? Get on board financially together, get engaged, get an apartment...good. Great. Not so much.
Things were great for awhile. Got a nice savings account going for both of us which we were going to combine after the wedding to get a house.
Wedding drama was horrible with the monster and vi, but we got through it.
Honeymoon time in San Francisco and Napa.
Napa was wonderful. We rented a convertible and drove in the sun through the vineyards. Wine tastings and great food. I got sick and we spent a day in the hotel room. I felt bad, but there was nothing I could do.
We moved on to San Fran.
Once there Jello checked his checking account to which all our money was in. This included the wedding checks he had deposited before we left.
In Napa we had plenty of money, San Fran....negative $800.
He lost his mind. Called the bank and they informed him that since my signature wasn't on the checks as well they had to remove them. He was a mess. Crying, screaming, snot everywhere. I couldn't understand why he was so upset when I could easily see a solution.
When he started swearing at the guy on the phone I took the phone away from him and spoke with the banker. I requested that the overdraft be removed as a courtesy and he agreed. I then asked for money to be transferred from Jello's savings to his checking in the amount of the wedding checks. The banker then stated he did not see a savings account. I said "Yes, there is a savings. It's about $5,000"
Banker "No, there is only the checking and a savings account that was closed a while back."
Me "We'll call you back."
I hung up the phone.
Jello was in the bathroom on the floor crying. I walked in and calmly asked "Why is he saying there is no savings account?"
Jello then proceeded to tell me that 5 months before the wedding he started spending the money in the account on random things. Finally after numerous warnings the bank shut down the account and the left over balance of $500 was transferred to his savings. He then figured well since it's in my checking I'll spend it.
I was shaking, but I stayed extremely calm to the point where he was asking me to yell at him. I didn't.
I think shock had taken over.
I asked him why he didn't tell me and his answer was that he was afraid I wouldn't marry him. Um, yea, that is a very valid fear.
He handed me his wedding band and went into the bathroom. I waited a bit and then followed only to find him testing the sharpness of his razor on his thumb.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"You don't need to be with me. I'm a fuck up. You should just leave me here and go back home"
Great, suicide always solved everything. Ugh.
I'm too old for this shit. I've put up with his lies about money for years. Now, here we are stuck in California with no money on our honeymoon which is turning out to be a nightmare. I just got married for god sake. What am I supposed to do??
I went back to sit on the bed. He came out a few minutes later and sat on a chair. I made him call his parents and tell them what happened. He was terrified, but I made him. I didn't mess up and I sure wasn't going to fix his mess. He called them and they deposited money into his account to get us through the rest of the trip. I told him that I will control every penny until that money is back. I will dominate his life until he pays that money back. He agreed.
OK.
We get back home. Things went as planned for awhile until I found out he was hiding money again. Caught him hiding interest checks that came in from his Discover Card. Who did I marry? What did I do?
Seriously?
My loss of trust for him tainted everything else. I lost any feelings of intimacy, respect, any want of a future with him. I stayed faithful for a year after our marriage.
In December of 2009 I reconnected with someone that I had had a crush on during my teen years. We talked and the friendship was rekindled pretty quickly.
We finally met face to face in Feb. 2010 and had our first kiss. Talked almost everyday after that. He told me he loved me on Easter. I felt a fire I never had felt before. I still do to this day.
Now don't get me wrong, I tried to come up with ideas on how to fix my marriage, but 12 years of bullshit wears on a person. Then to basically be slapped in the face on your honeymoon?
I wanted out. I had done all I could do. When your so fed up you can't even kiss your spouse, it's go time.
In July, I moved him out of "our" bedroom and into the office. We stayed as roommates until finally in Sept. 2010 we filed for divorce. Right after I decided to tell him about my boyfriend and he then proceeded to tell me about his girlfriend.
We lived together until November, when our lease was up, and that is when I moved into the cave.
The night before I left, Jello was supposed to stay and help me pack up a few extra things. That didn't work out as planned.
He came home all stressed out saying he wasn't staying and needed to leave. I told him he couldn't cus he promised to help me. He said "Fine, what do I need to do?"
I told him what needed to be done. He did it with speed I haven't seen in years. Once completed he said "OK anything else?"
"No...."
"OK, I'm leaving." He got his coat on, filled up his backpack with clothes, opened the front door and looked back at me...."It's been fun." and off he went to spend the night with his girlfriend.
It's been fun?? After 12 years...it's been fun? Are you kidding me?
I cried so hard my friend Cindi, who was there for support, had to hold me to fall asleep.
Well, moving day came and I went from sad to pissed. With some friendly provoking I allowed a friend to take Jello's TV trays, I emptied the last of his Patron into a water bottle and refilled the Patron bottle with water, and then to top it off I took the last wedding photo we had out, put a sticky note over his face that said "it's been fun" and put that picture smack in the middle of the empty living room.
I've only seen Jello once since I moved out. He said he had been angry about how I left.
How I left?
I quickly reminded him about his lovely walk out and he didn't remember ever doing or saying what he did.
Yea, OK. I know you have short term memory loss from the car accident, but you don't just say something like that and not remember. I call shenanigans.
So here I am. Sitting in the cave. I don't regret my decision. I am a little sad that 12 years of knowing each other, of friendship, is now gone.
But, I know he's happy and that makes me happy.
Things were great for awhile. Got a nice savings account going for both of us which we were going to combine after the wedding to get a house.
Wedding drama was horrible with the monster and vi, but we got through it.
Honeymoon time in San Francisco and Napa.
Napa was wonderful. We rented a convertible and drove in the sun through the vineyards. Wine tastings and great food. I got sick and we spent a day in the hotel room. I felt bad, but there was nothing I could do.
We moved on to San Fran.
Once there Jello checked his checking account to which all our money was in. This included the wedding checks he had deposited before we left.
In Napa we had plenty of money, San Fran....negative $800.
He lost his mind. Called the bank and they informed him that since my signature wasn't on the checks as well they had to remove them. He was a mess. Crying, screaming, snot everywhere. I couldn't understand why he was so upset when I could easily see a solution.
When he started swearing at the guy on the phone I took the phone away from him and spoke with the banker. I requested that the overdraft be removed as a courtesy and he agreed. I then asked for money to be transferred from Jello's savings to his checking in the amount of the wedding checks. The banker then stated he did not see a savings account. I said "Yes, there is a savings. It's about $5,000"
Banker "No, there is only the checking and a savings account that was closed a while back."
Me "We'll call you back."
I hung up the phone.
Jello was in the bathroom on the floor crying. I walked in and calmly asked "Why is he saying there is no savings account?"
Jello then proceeded to tell me that 5 months before the wedding he started spending the money in the account on random things. Finally after numerous warnings the bank shut down the account and the left over balance of $500 was transferred to his savings. He then figured well since it's in my checking I'll spend it.
I was shaking, but I stayed extremely calm to the point where he was asking me to yell at him. I didn't.
I think shock had taken over.
I asked him why he didn't tell me and his answer was that he was afraid I wouldn't marry him. Um, yea, that is a very valid fear.
He handed me his wedding band and went into the bathroom. I waited a bit and then followed only to find him testing the sharpness of his razor on his thumb.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"You don't need to be with me. I'm a fuck up. You should just leave me here and go back home"
Great, suicide always solved everything. Ugh.
I'm too old for this shit. I've put up with his lies about money for years. Now, here we are stuck in California with no money on our honeymoon which is turning out to be a nightmare. I just got married for god sake. What am I supposed to do??
I went back to sit on the bed. He came out a few minutes later and sat on a chair. I made him call his parents and tell them what happened. He was terrified, but I made him. I didn't mess up and I sure wasn't going to fix his mess. He called them and they deposited money into his account to get us through the rest of the trip. I told him that I will control every penny until that money is back. I will dominate his life until he pays that money back. He agreed.
OK.
We get back home. Things went as planned for awhile until I found out he was hiding money again. Caught him hiding interest checks that came in from his Discover Card. Who did I marry? What did I do?
Seriously?
My loss of trust for him tainted everything else. I lost any feelings of intimacy, respect, any want of a future with him. I stayed faithful for a year after our marriage.
In December of 2009 I reconnected with someone that I had had a crush on during my teen years. We talked and the friendship was rekindled pretty quickly.
We finally met face to face in Feb. 2010 and had our first kiss. Talked almost everyday after that. He told me he loved me on Easter. I felt a fire I never had felt before. I still do to this day.
Now don't get me wrong, I tried to come up with ideas on how to fix my marriage, but 12 years of bullshit wears on a person. Then to basically be slapped in the face on your honeymoon?
I wanted out. I had done all I could do. When your so fed up you can't even kiss your spouse, it's go time.
In July, I moved him out of "our" bedroom and into the office. We stayed as roommates until finally in Sept. 2010 we filed for divorce. Right after I decided to tell him about my boyfriend and he then proceeded to tell me about his girlfriend.
We lived together until November, when our lease was up, and that is when I moved into the cave.
The night before I left, Jello was supposed to stay and help me pack up a few extra things. That didn't work out as planned.
He came home all stressed out saying he wasn't staying and needed to leave. I told him he couldn't cus he promised to help me. He said "Fine, what do I need to do?"
I told him what needed to be done. He did it with speed I haven't seen in years. Once completed he said "OK anything else?"
"No...."
"OK, I'm leaving." He got his coat on, filled up his backpack with clothes, opened the front door and looked back at me...."It's been fun." and off he went to spend the night with his girlfriend.
It's been fun?? After 12 years...it's been fun? Are you kidding me?
I cried so hard my friend Cindi, who was there for support, had to hold me to fall asleep.
Well, moving day came and I went from sad to pissed. With some friendly provoking I allowed a friend to take Jello's TV trays, I emptied the last of his Patron into a water bottle and refilled the Patron bottle with water, and then to top it off I took the last wedding photo we had out, put a sticky note over his face that said "it's been fun" and put that picture smack in the middle of the empty living room.
I've only seen Jello once since I moved out. He said he had been angry about how I left.
How I left?
I quickly reminded him about his lovely walk out and he didn't remember ever doing or saying what he did.
Yea, OK. I know you have short term memory loss from the car accident, but you don't just say something like that and not remember. I call shenanigans.
So here I am. Sitting in the cave. I don't regret my decision. I am a little sad that 12 years of knowing each other, of friendship, is now gone.
But, I know he's happy and that makes me happy.
No comments:
Post a Comment