Well Behaved...

Today was shopping day.
Yes, I decided to go with her after some advice.  Figured she has to behave in public plus I'll get a free lunch out of the deal.
So the day begins with me getting up, dressed, and downstairs by 11:30am.  The monster is on the porch with the vi talking about something I wasn't interested in listening to.  I was obviously ready with pocketbook on my shoulder and sweater jacket on my arm.  She seemed a little cold, but I didn't bother in asking what her problem was.  She waits a bit and lets it get somewhat awkward before looking at me and asking "So are you ready or you want to wait a bit and grab something for breakfast?"
What part of me standing here with jacket and bag gave you in the impression I wanted breakfast?
So off we go!
Guess where we went first?
Come on....you can figure it out...
That's right!
The trusty, thorn in my side, bane of my present existence....The Salvation Army!
Just walking into this place makes me itchy.  But, she's like a kid in a candy store.  Oooo-ing and Aaaaa-ing at every turn.
Gasping "Oh Melis...Look at this! $1.00!!" this was at almost every yellow ticketed item, ugly or not.
Then she starts chatting with the employees.  They know her by name.  Holy F this is embarrassing.
She finally calms down and bolts to the jean rack.  "You take that side and I'll take the other!"
Off we go.
She's pulling jean after jean off the rack and filling the mini carriage.  I've gotten half way and found nothing.
Of course this is clearly me revolting and refusing to chose any worn/used pair of jeans.  Damn my head is itchy.
Finally I see one pair I can tolerate and I take it off the rack.  She sees this and has almost a victorious smile on her face.  Crap.
We meet in the middle and she then has me move to the hideous shirt rack located directly behind the worn/used jean rack.
I, obviously and purposely, find nothing.
She has me go to the changing room which is a closet next to the cashiers' stand.  Now let me explain this ridiculous scenario.
This room is legit a closet with a saloon style door which is clearly broken and needs to be rigged to stay closed.  There are men standing in line and even though I am beginning to be proud of what my mama gave me, I don't chose to just show it off to the world.
I pushed and shoved at the doors until I made them stay shut.
I try on the sad pile of jeans and low and behold....none fit over my voluptuous behind!
Except the one pair I chose.
So I step out of the room to my mother staring hopefully at me.  "These fit."
"Oh great! My turn!"
Sigh...I wait.  God damn I'm itchy!
Finally we pay and leave.
Off to a real store...Fashion Bug.
Amazingly, since I left the Army, my itching has stopped.
I load up on jeans and shirts at the Bug!
She starts to go nuts...shoes, shirts, jeans, shorts, etc..."What else do you need?"
We get to the cashier who makes sure we are wearing green so we get 20% extra off.  She then proceeds to talk my mother into opening a secondary charge to get more off the purchase.  Way to spend money you don't need to monster!
I walk out feeling great!  Mel 1...Monster 0
We drive over to Sonic for lunch and as we wait she turns to me and says:
"Since you didn't bitch today I'm going to let you have more of your bonus."
What? Did she really just say that?
Here girl! Here's your treat!
Groan....
I ignore her.
All in all...not a bad day.  No arguing, no real annoyance.
Good days make me stop and rethink that maybe this isn't so bad, but then reality always comes back and destroys you all over again.