Tea and Cracker Barrel

So after lots of thinking and friends rooting me on, I have decided to create this blog on my life living with the monster (my mother) and the village idiot (my father).  If you don't know me or them for that matter, you might think this is mean, it's not by any means a bashing on my parents.  This is a release of aggravation, confusion, stress, and anything else that builds up due to my co-habitation with them.  I'm gonna let flow what's in my head so if you lose track just go with it!  Those of you who know my parents understand what i'm going through.
I honestly can't figure out how I was able to get through my childhood/teenage years living under the same roof.  Maybe I was blinded but how i grew up and just got used to it all.  I do remember that once I moved out it took me a bit to realize that every little thing i did wasn't under a microscope nor would i be criticized for decisions i made.  12 blissful years, kinda...out of that house and in the "real" world.  It was amazing...FREEDOM!  It was sweet.  Got an apartment with my boyfriend, he then turned into fiancee, then husband...that only lasted 2 years.  Oh well, not upset about my decision by any means...only thing i regret is not saving to get my own place cus here i am...back in the cave.
The cave is a time warp of sorts.  No internet, neither can understand how it works...they are amazed you can see moving pictures on it...and cable was unheard of.  "Too much money" the village idiot thinks you can go bankrupt with too many tv options.  So, I boldly entered and brought with me the present day.  I brought the internet, HBO, and Showtime.  First, the vi and monster thought holes would be drilled all along the inside of the house for the internet.  "They can't drill holes in wall!"  Trying to explain holes were not necessary...torture.
Monthly complaints and huffing/puffing comes from the vi when the cable bill comes in...so i'm learning selective hearing.
The monster is the real test of my strength and endurance.  I live in what she calls a "training academy".  I have to follow her rules when it comes to my life, my job, and my money.  My life, well she can try, but i don't tell her shit.  She doesn't need to know much and i dont' think it's really any of her business.
My job, well...her rule about that is if i come home with either a migraine or back pain..the computer stays off and i go to bed.  My thoughts, she out of her f-ing mind!  Migraine, yea obviously!  I can't handle light, noise, sometimes movement kills me.  Back pain...um, i have to lie with my legs up on pillows and stare at the dark ceiling...this is her preferred action.  NOT MINE!  I can have the tv on, but not the computer sitting there next to me? Hmmmmm, ok.  Small aggravations, but to me they are ridiculous.  I'm a grown woman...last thing i need is the gestapo on my ass about coming home sick or in pain.
As for my money, well she wants to get me to where i need to be finacially.  Perfect! No so much.  I appreciate the time, knowledge, extra cash building up in my savings, but i don't need to sit every other friday night counting my money in front of her so she knows i haven't touched it and also bringing home my savings statement after a deposit so the vi can track the progress and also make sure i'm not touching it.
It's suffocating to say the least, but this is just some of the backstory as to why i am doing this blog.
So, this isn't going to be strictly ranting...it's going to be day to day comments, situations, and thoughts from and about the monster and vi.  So what the hell is with the title you ask?
Well, first story...the monster wants to have tea tonight when i get home.  She believes sitting and having tea is a cure all to any issues in life.  So at midnight...after listening to people complain in my ear all day...i will be sitting with the monster sipping tea and creating small talk...i'm exhausted already just thinking about it.
The village idiot however is hoping to become the newest dishwasher at the Cracker Barrel.  This is fine since he is going stir crazy during the day.  He has an over night job on the weekends playing security guard at a truck stop/depot thingy.  He had said to me that he was applying for a chef position...after stating the obvious lack of chef knowledge...he said no, i'm going for a host position so i can tell ppl they can sit where i damn well put them.  OK.
The man is a compulsive liar.
So after finally getting the truth out of him i realized...day job? really? Peace and quiet before heading to work? Really? Could this be true? OH Sweet Merciful Jesus please get the job!!!!!!!!
I'll keep ya posted  :)